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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25673860">You're the wish</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/YelenaBelous/pseuds/YelenaBelous'>YelenaBelous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>You're the wish [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Multi, Trans Evan "Buck" Buckley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:53:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,481</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25673860</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/YelenaBelous/pseuds/YelenaBelous</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Maddie asked Chimney if they were the only ones without children from the 118 fire station, they both stopped for a moment and then together answered "Buck" as a mutual agreement. The only thing Chimney does not know is that Maddie has a secret related to her little brother and his past. A secret she will keep at all costs until Buck himself is willing to share it with friends and people who love him and care about him because after all, it is about his life and his pain. She took the glass of wine that was lying on the dining counter and sipped from it the last two sips left and on the way took the phone and the first thing that caught her eye and made her miss a beat is the date 21/09 ... which means tomorrow is the tenth anniversary of her niece's death.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Christopher Diaz &amp; Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Athena Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Christopher Diaz &amp; Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Henrietta "Hen" Wilson/Karen Wilson, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>You're the wish [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2074965</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>87</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>324</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Maddie and Chimney</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi everybody :) How are you today?<br/>So, this is my first fanfic..<br/>English is not first language and I'm sorry for any mistakes. TBH I used grammarly lol.<br/>I hope that you'll enjoy this fic</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Maddie asked Chimney if they were the only ones without children from the 118 fire station, they both stopped for a moment and then together answered "Buck" as a mutual agreement. The only thing Chimney does not know is that Maddie has a secret that related to her little brother and his past. A secret she will keep at all costs until Buck himself is willing to share it with friends and people who love him and care about him because after all, it is about his life and his pain. She took the glass of wine that was lying on the dining counter and sipped from it the last two sips left and on the way took the phone and the first thing that caught her eye and made her skip a heartbeat is the date 21/09 ...</p><p>Which means tomorrow is the tenth anniversary of her niece's death. Maddie immediately thought of Buck, of how he was at the time, of how once he held her in his arms after birth he no longer left her for a moment even that baby would be a living reminder of the horrible experience that happened to him and how he was broken when his father told him his daughter did not survive the fire. Tomorrow will be a difficult day for both of them and especially for him. Maddie told herself she would be with him tomorrow, support him, give him a shoulder to cry on and he would have a sympathetic ear.</p><p>She took a breath and looked at Chimney. "Hay, does Buck have a shift with you tomorrow?" She asked him with a small smile.</p><p>"I think so." He returned to her, "Why?" He asked with pursed eyebrows. This is the first time she has asked such a question. Usually, she would not be interested in her brother's shift board. And if she needed anything from him, then she would just send him messages or call him.</p><p>Maddie sighed lightly. How was she tell him without revealing too much "Tomorrow will be a very emotional day for Buck. Watch him and do not tease him too much, please." She smiled with a pleading smile and hoped the answer would not ask any questions.</p><p>Chimney seems to have read her mind and given her an understanding look. He approached to her, put his hands on Maddie's arms, and said quietly "one day you will tell right?" She smiled gently and leaned towards him to give him the kiss of appreciation for not pushing on her and maybe Buck too.</p><p>"One day, when we'll ready. When Buck will be ready." Chimney sighed, hugged her and she took a deep breath. Maddie was happy he dropped the subject.</p><p>Though she didn't know that day would come much sooner than she anticipated.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Buck</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi guys, how are you today?<br/>I hope you have a beautiful day ;)</p><p>Here is a triggered warning: mention of rape. Noting graphic.<br/>And again, sorry for my English;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> Buck opened his eyes to the alarm clock ringing and intuitively, tapped his right hand on the clock to mute the sound.  The time was 6:45, and the date was September 21st. He sighs reluctantly perhaps because he does not want to get out of the warm and cozy bed and more so he doesn't want to deal with his friends to the station precisely on this day.  The day his heart is broken into pieces, no matter what happens, he will always be cracked. There is no more considerable pain than losing the child. His beloved girl, who was carried in his belly for nine months, who was growing up in front of his eyes. A child Buck loved more than himself.</p><p><em> Amelia, I miss you so much</em>.  Buck whispered to himself, and one tear slipped from his left eye toward the pillow on which his head rested. After a while, he sat up and his left hand went to the drawer of the bedside table that was by the bed.  He opened it and took out a picture. In it, a 15-year-old girl dressed in the style of TomBoy, holding in her arms a sleepy baby dressed in a light yellow dress and a white ribbon with a small bow tie tied around her head.  The girl would look happy despite all the horror she had endured.</p><p> At the young age of that girl, people would say with justice that it was an accident, that she did not take care of herself, and that she was not responsible enough.  What they do not know is that what happened to her did not occur to them at all. She was a victim of rape and that Amelia is the result she got. when she found out about her pregnancy that it was already too late to have an abortion.  She was so engrossed in sadness and pain that she did not notice the signs that indicated she had an innocent baby developing in her womb. The moment of discovery was heartbreaking for her because one way or another, she would always remember the same guy who forced himself on her.  Luckily the same guy was sent to jail, and probably because of shame and regret, he committed suicide by hanging inside his cell.</p><p>The teenager had been pressured to give the baby up for adoption. They claimed it would just hurt her and put her into depression while they wanted to spare themselves the shame and maintain the family's reputation.  Evelyn, of course, agreed with them and signed with the adoption agency. She felt lonely during high school, Maddie was far away, busy with college and living with her husband Duang.  The relationship between them was not continuous, and Evelyn didn;t want to disturb her with her problems. And there were no friends she would feel comfortable sharing and relying on.</p><p> The only person who helped Evelyn get through pregnancy and high school safely was Mrs. Bloom.  Jenny Bloom was the school counselor. She, from the beginning, saw Evelyn's distress and helped her process the events that had happened to her.  She worked with her on the understanding that she was not a rape victim but a rape survivor who was not plagued by her guilt. And that it's okay to release the baby to someone else who will give him a warm and loving home he needs if that's what she wants.  Towards the date of the birth, Evelyn was somewhere else, and she was whole with what had happened to her and with what was going to happen. It was through talking with Jenny that Buck realized he was transgender. Finally, he had the language to express what he had always felt. He knew was he once he was out of school and away from his parents, he would be safe to transition.</p><p> Jenny was exceptional, so she was with Buck during birth.  Neither ok his parents nor his sister Maddie gave him a hand to hold. But she was the one who gained such a privilege.  After Amelia went out into the world with a shout that brought joy to everyone present at that moment, Buck felt it was a kind of wake-up call.  he asked the nurse if he could hold her. Jenny, who was by his side, smiled to herself and moved away a little to give her a moment to be alone.  The nurse holding the baby hesitated for a few seconds and then walked over to him and moved Amelia into his arms.</p><p> Buck was stunned by the pure beauty of the baby, by the soft touch of her skin and her blue and bright eyes like a sunny day.  She didn't cry, but her tiny hand that was outside the sheet that wrapped around her body remained open. Her fingers are stretched out, and she seems to want her hand to go crazy.  Evan hesitantly gave her one of his fingers. His breathing stopped as soon as the baby wrapped his finger with her little hand and pressed it to her lips. Evan didn't think for a moment that he could fall in love with her at first sight.  He didn't plan it. The baby, in her way, tells him that she wants him and not someone else, that she can give her the family she so deserved. She showed him that they were very much alike. Both warriors in their own rite, survivors dreaming of a brighter future.  He smiled down at the baby, full of hope and whispered in her ear quietly, "Hello, baby. I am your family".</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You have no idea how much your support is really means to me:)<br/>Your comments and kudos makes my day.<br/>As always, you can find me on my Instagram @yelena_belous45</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Buck</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I really don't know what to say so....<br/>ENJOY!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The ringing phone brought Buck back to present day. He did not notice that he was crying, still holding the picture between his fingers. He wiped his face with his free hand and cleared his throat, and then his hand reached for the phone. Buck picked up the phone on the dresser, and the screen read "Eddie." He closed his eyes and sighed. Eddie doesn't know about his past, none of the 118 did. The only people who know are his family, his therapist and few friends from the Navy. He did come out as transgender when he first started at the 118 and was accepted with unconditional love.</p><p>He moved his thumb on the screen to the right to answer the call.</p><p>"Hey, what's going on?" Tried to keep his voice steady.</p><p>"Good morning Bucky!" Christopher's voice was on the other end of the phone. The man smiled to himself, and his heart was thrilled at the sound of Chris. No matter what he went through at that moment, Chris always manages to make him smile. He still manages to inspire hope in him with the help of his infamous saying, "It's going to be okay, kid." Buck wondered if Amelia was alive now, if she and Chris could have been best friends. He immediately cleared his mind so as not to be dragged into a suffocating cry, and he did not want to worry the child and Eddie, who must be within earshot.</p><p><br/>"Hey buddy, how are you? How did you sleep?" Buck asked in a calm voice.</p><p>Chris replied with a giggle, "Good, buck! We are coming to pick up you". The man took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Today, would be the first time he had to work on the anniversary. He had not had to explain himself to the 118 and now he was unsure how he could possibly hide it. He considers 118 as his family, and someday he will have to share his pain with them. Bobby will understand him because he is also experiencing it for himself. Hen and Chamney will stop teasing him, and Eddie will support him and maybe finally understand why he is so attached to Christopher and why he is willing to do anything for him, for both of them. Buck fell in love with both of them, one in a romantic way and the other in a fatherly way. And with one of them, he could not take risks; otherwise, he would lose them, and it would be unbearable.</p><p>He brought the image closer to his chest and moved it over him. On his way, he tells his daughter in the picture that he will always remember her. Buck cleared his throat and replied in his calm voice, "Yes, I know, I'm glad I get to accompany you to school." Chris shouted, "Yeah," and Buck giggled at him.</p><p>After half an hour in which Buck has organized himself for work, the door opens with him at the bedside up. Eddie came in quickly and shouted, "What's up with you, bro? We are late for school and work .." Buck slipped the picture into the back pocket of his jeans, as if she would not give the strength to go through this day quietly. Maybe even enough courage to share his story with his chosen family or at least with one of them, Eddie. Buck assured himself that if he were going to tell, then Eddie would be the first one. He was important to him. Buck went down the stairs and advanced toward Eddie, who was standing in the doorway. He smiled at him and said, "Let's go?" Eddie looked at him, worriedly and asked, "Are you okay?" placing his palm on his shoulder and looked straight into his eyes. The young man melted into the touch and pulled deep into the hazel eyes in front of him, as if he wanted to be taken somewhere else, to another time, to her. He looked away from the exit and replied to his best friend, "Yeah. It's just this day" He turned around to lock the door. It seemed that they both did not want to linger over it and, in the end, advanced towards the car, and both entered in perfect sync.</p><p> When they got to the firehouse after dropping Christopher off at school, Buck felt tightening in his chest. His breathing was heavy, his mouth was dry, and his eyes were starting to water. Eddie did not notice, and he intended to open the car door. Without thinking twice, Buck grabbed Eddie's arm. </p><p>"wait," he said, voice cracking. Eddie turned his gaze to him over his shoulder, and his body returned to its previous place. His friend opened his lips and closed them as tears slowly flowed down his cheeks. "I need you to be with me." he murmured quietly. "I need to tell you something, and I need you to catch me if I'm going to fall, and more than that, I need you to hug me."</p><p>He didn't care what it looked like. He just wanted to release it. He just wanted to get the pain out. Buck recalled what Eddie once said, that he wanted his son not to keep the hardships and pain to himself. So he does it.</p><p>"What happened?  Are you okay?" Eddie immediately ran his right arm over Buck's shoulders and brought him closer to him. The position was uncomfortable, but it did not matter. Buck rose slightly in his seat to access his pants' back pocket and take out his picture with Amelia. Suddenly he stopped and looked up at Eddie. He took a deep breath, handed the picture to his friend, and said the words for the first time in years"This is me and Amelia, my daughter."</p><p>Eddie opened his mouth in shock and gently took the picture as if it were the most precious thing Buck. "Today is the anniversary of her death. She died in a fire ten years ago." He breathed a sigh of relief as if a large stone had fallen from his heart, but he still had a hole left with an abyss that would never clog. In the same breath, he burst into tears because he could no longer hold himself together. Eddie pounced on him and hugged him tightly. Moved both his hands up and down on Buck's back . One of his hands went up to his neck and pulled him close. Eddie whispered in his ear "I'm so sorry, let it go. I'm here for you. I love you." It was not the time to analyze how Eddie meant those words. He wrapped Eddie in his arms and buried his face into his neck.</p><p>After a few minutes of both of them hugging, Buck was the first to pull up his head and move slightly away from his friend. To his surprise, Eddie brushed aside the tear with his thumb. "Thank you for sharing this with me," he said with a broken voice, and his wet eyes looked straight into Buck's eyes. Buck didn't want to sadden Eddie so he said with a small smile, "Amelia and Chris could have been best friends." Eddie smiled at him and replied, "I'm sure "</p><p>What they both did not know was that the friendship between Christopher and Amelia is going to happen. Like literally in  1 ... 2 ... 3 ...</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The next update will be on Friday at least, bcz I have an exam on Thursday. Wish me luck:)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Christopher</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so... here we are.<br/>ENJOY!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Christopher</p><p>Christopher waved goodbye to his father and Bucky and then turned toward the school entrance gate. He walked slowly, along with his crutches. There was something strange about his father's good friend. He seemed a little sad. Maybe he had a nightmare again. Perhaps they fought, and maybe ... <em>I know what I'll do, I'll make him a greeting card. Yes, it would cheer him up,</em> he thought. He was determined to make Buck happy. He gave Mrs. Flor a look. She was standing by the door and greeting the other students with good mornings and lovely days.</p><p>As the boy with the glasses gets closer, she walked over to him and stopped him with a gentle smile. "Good morning Chris, how was the weekend?" She asked, and the boy returned enthusiastically. "It was fun, we went to the promenade by the sea and played in the sand and built a palace. Then we went to eat ice cream." The teacher nodded and smiled, "Sounds cool, listen a minute. I have an important job to give you, and I think you will be able to do exceptionally well." Chris lit up and filled with curiosity, "What?" He asked in a raised voice. Miss Flor bent down at eye level and said in a pleasant but authoritative voice, "There is a new girl who has entered the school and does not know the place. She quite needs a new friend to help her acclimate. Do you think you can do that? " Without hesitation, he replied," Yes, sure. "</p><p>The teacher replied with a smile, "So come after me". She got up to stand and cleared the way for Chris. He came in first and waited a bit for her to lead him to the mysterious girl. For some reason, he knew that everything was going to change from here, that everything would finally connect, and it was thanks to the brave decision he chose to make. Well, it's not exactly brave, because he would always agree with new friends, but it felt different, especially with this girl.<br/>
Chris walked past the teacher and thought to himself where to start. Explain about a room individually or about each teacher? Tell her which of the kids is really nice and who you should stay away from. With that kind of job, it was his first time doing a tour, and he can not help but wonder why he is the one who got this role. Usually, it was Rebecca who gets new students. After all, she's chairing a student council, does that mean anything? Apparently, she could not get today. Either way, he's glad he got to do it.</p><p>The boy was so deep in thought that he almost tripped when Miss Flor stoped. He stabilized his balance with the crutches, and then when he raised his head, he saw her. The new girl. She is wearing a blue dress which has accentuated her big blue eyes. Her blond hair was gathered into a ponytail. He was amazed by her beauty that he did not at all refer to the crutches that were on either side of it. He looked at her face, and something in the facial features was something familiar. As if she were familiar to him. As if she had reminded him of B-</p><p>"So, this is Amanda, and she came to us from Philadelphia," Anna said as she interrupted Christopher's thoughts.</p><p>Amanda took a small step towards him and waved at him with her hand, and shyly said, "hi."</p><p>Anna looked at him, and he said to the girl, "Hey, I'm Christopher, but you can call me Chris. Nice to meet you."</p><p>"You too," she replied, more confidently this time.</p><p>The teacher cleared her throat and placed two palms on each of the children's shoulder to draw attention to her. "Okay, since you're here, you've had a few minutes to walk around the area, and Chris here will explain to you where everything is. Okay?" And the girl nodded vigorously.</p><p>"Very well, but do not linger too long and get to class on time" The teacher looked at both of them with a bright look. They smiled back at her as an answer. She looked at Amanda and said to her, "Welcome, Amanda. I hope you find yourself belonging here," then walked away from them and kept going.</p><p>Chris looked at the girl who was standing in front of him and thought to himself <em>I'm the one who's going to make her belong here.</em></p><p>And he has no idea how much right he was.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Did you catch the reference?<br/>hint: it's from another tv show..</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. 118 firehouse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Things get complicated... king of.<br/>ENJOY!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>118 firehouse</p><p> </p><p>This time Chimney was the first to arrive at the station, even before Bobby. Usually, he would wait for Han. She would pamper him with coffee from Starbucks and go through with him the experiences that happened last night. During the night, he lay next to Maddie. He did not have time to think about his girlfriend's words. He could not help but wonder what she meant. An emotional day, why? How? What happened? It's incredible to see that the Buckley siblings are very open, compassionate, openly expressing their feelings, and not hiding it. But they have not yet shared their entire past. No one at the station knows about their childhood or relationship with their parents or the parents themselves. Today is the day. Chimney muttered to himself and tried to remember if he had ever seen Buck behave differently on this day in the last two years. Presumably, he had a day off at those times, he guessed.</p><p>"Chimney?" He heard his name and turned around after. He saw the captain approaching him and on his face an expression of surprise. "What are you doing here so early?" Bobby asked. Continuing on his way to the locker room and with his hand, he ordered Chimney to come with him. He was debating what to say, the truth, or the lie. On the one hand, it's Buck's personal thing, and it's his decision whether to share or not. And on the other hand, it was precisely today that Buck got to work. And how a way to know how he will react later in the day or in reading. Firefighters are supposed to make the separation between emotion and logic, especially when it comes to the lives of people in danger. For some reason, he hoped that his brother-in-law had indeed shared with his <strong><em>boyfriend,</em></strong> Eddie, at least something small related to this day. He grinned and, at the same time, feared in light of the thought that had occurred to him.</p><p>"Ah, I woke up early and couldn't fall back asleep, so I came here." Responded quickly when he saw he was delayed with his answer.<br/>
Bobby raised an eyebrow and said, "Okay, I hope you don't let what you're going through affect the work" The firefighter in front of him nodded in agreement. Say that to Buck, too, Chamney thought.</p><p>"It's good you're here early, you'll cook breakfast. I need to be in the office because I need to welcome a new trainee to join us." Bobby patted the man's shoulder and moved away from him before he had time to resist the captain's order. He groaned, and his hands dropped down. It would at least keep him busy, comfort himself, and walk towards the stairs leading to the kitchen.</p><p>After a while, when Chimney put the omelet batter into the pan, Han appeared in front of him with a smug smile on her face. She leaned against the counter with her palms, and her smile grew a little more. Chimney was filled with curiosity and smiled back at her. It would not hurt him to have some good news that would distract him from the thoughts.</p><p>"What's that smile? What did you find out?"</p><p>"I think I won the bet," Han said, shaking her shoulders and head as if it were a victory dance. And she was about to reach out to him with her palm to ask for the money.</p><p>"Which one?" Chimney asked with a sly smile. Mix the eggs and turn off the gas by prolonged pressing on the monitor between the stoves.</p><p>Han rolled her eyes and replied, "Buck and Eddie. Today is Monday, so that means I'm the one who won, and as a result, I'm the one getting the money."</p><p>"how do you know?" He asked skeptically.</p><p>"Because on the way here, I saw them hugging in Eddie's car," Han responded with certainty.</p><p>"They hug each other all the time, what's different now?" He contradicted her.</p><p>"They were hugged tighter and deeper. I even saw Buck crying but smiling. Do you think it's friends? I don't think so ..." She shook her head. Her hand is still in the same position as before. Closes and opens, again and again, to motion Chimney to give her the money.</p><p>The man glanced down and thought to himself. Maybe he really did tell him at last. A sense of pride combined with jealousy flooded him, and took a deep breath.<br/>
"I do not think it is as it seems." He said quietly.</p><p>"You just do not know how to lose with dignity, that's all." Han shrugged, and the outstretched hand took a piece of tomato from the salad. Chimney decided in his head that this is it. He was going to involve her and tell her about Buck even if he was not one hundred percent sure. After all, this is also the reason why he came before everyone else. He hoped to prepare the friends for the day.</p><p>"No, really. I'm serious." Answered his good friend in a heavy tone. He wanted to put her in a mode of seriousness. "Look, I do not know the whole story. But Maddie said last night that specifically today it's going to be tough for Buck."</p><p>"What do you mean?" Han asked. Follow him towards the dining table. Watching him as he puts the pan with the scrambled eggs.</p><p>"I don't know much. I just know we need to pay more attention to him and be more sensitive to him than ever." Chimney replied. Suddenly he realized that the very over-awareness of Buck's condition would arouse suspicion in him. Then he would understand that his sister must have told him something about the day.</p><p>"Does Bobby know about this?" Hahn looked at him, believing. As if she realized that maybe she was happy too quickly.</p><p>Chimney sighed and hoped that his expression would give the paramedic the answer to her question.</p><p>Just as she was about to answer him, Buck and Eddie approached them as they were both engrossed in their conversation. The two paramedics shared a look between them. They concluded without words that they would try to behave as if nothing unusual had happened.</p><p>"Oh, great. I'm starving." Buck stated as he approached the table and moved one of the chairs. He did not notice the faces of his friends and tried to ignore them. Eddie, who shared his secret, glanced at Han and Chimney and saw that they were both looking at Blond man with concern. It looks like Maddie said something to Chimney, and then he shared Han. It's going a long day, that's for sure. Eddie thought to himself. I wonder what about Bobby. And the thought of the captain comforted him a little because both Buck and Bobby share the same pain of losing a child. At the same time, he feared what would happen later in the day. He hoped in his heart that today the work at the station would be relatively calm, at least without fires and without casualties.<br/>
<br/>
"You're all here, very well. I want to introduce you to a new trainee who came to us straight from New Jersey." The captain's remarks made everyone turn around. And behind him appeared a muscular fellow with short, brown hair and bright green eyes. He seems to be younger than Buck, and he will probably make quite a few troubles. One hundred eighteen really experienced with guys with such an attitude so that it will be a piece of a cake for them.</p><p>Bobby moves aside to let the guy be by his side. "It's Alex Montgomery." Said in a reliable voice. And the guy smiled politely and waved his hand for hallo. Buck got up from his chair, passed between Eddie and Han, and walked over to him. He shook his hand and greeted, "Welcome to the station." Then he let the rest of his friends greet him and wish him good luck. Then everyone sat down around a table and continued to get to know Alex. Bobby felt there was a different environment because everyone looked anxiously at Buck while he was busy talking to the new guy.</p><p>Almost fortunately for firefighters of 118, the day was relatively calm. Until a fire call that was received from the burning building. And from there, a Pandora's box will open. And it will get out of hand.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. 118 firehouse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>the moment that we've been waiting for... but it's still a slow burn so...<br/>ENJOY!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When a building full of flames was discovered in front of the two firefighters, they froze. One is because of the painful memories and the other because of the concern for his friend's safety. And it was all related to that day. If it was another day, they would not necessarily behave as usual.</p><p>"Buckley and Diaz start evacuating the people from the building! Fast, before the smoke turns black." The captain's order was said so strongly that they both shook off the shock and returned to concentrating on the most crucial job of all, and that is, saving lives. "Yes, Sir" they both replied to Bobby as one unit, as much as it suited them. Then they entered the building with oxygen balloons on their backs and soul masks on their faces so they could do their job without harming themselves. But you can never be one hundred percent sure where it will hit you. And yet, someone has to do it.</p><p>Most of the fire was on the first floor, which means it is hazardous. Buck and Eddie know they need to get as many people out as quickly as possible. This is neither the time nor the right place to let all this flood the pain and memories, Buck reminded himself. He looked aside, to Eddie, and their eyes met. And Eddie seemed to think like him and understood that through the look on his face hidden inside the mask. The young man raised a thumbs up to his partner as a sign that he was ready and maybe even try to reassure him that he would not do something stupid.</p><p>After they both passed between the doors and directed the tenants to the exit. They finished their rescue mission with a sense of relief. This time there were no casualties, no people, and certainly no children. The universe seemed to have shown mercy to Buck and was not cruel to him. The fire that engulfed Emilia was a formative event for him. From there, he becomes a firefighter, he is driven by this pain. A pain he does not want any parents to feel for themself. Buck and Eddie got on the fire truck and sat closer than ever next to each other.</p><p>Eddie is glad it's behind them already, that they're on their way back to the station and that they're almost near the end of the shift. But in his heart, he's glad the man he fell in love with is fine. That he did not do some kind of suicidal mission and kept himself safe. Because he still has a family waiting for him at the end of the day. Him and Christopher. This thought made him nauseous; this is not the time to be selfish, and he has to repress it quickly. Eddie looked at Buck with eyes asking,<em> are you okay?</em> His best friend gave him a gentle smile and, at the same time, nodded in response for a definite answer.</p><p>All the firefighters arrived at the station after a quiet ride where no one talked. It had to be weird considering that Buck has always been the one who was particularly chatty after a successful rescue like this time. But it seems to everyone it does not matter. None of Buck's friends push him, and Buck is so engrossed in his pain that he does not notice it and, at the same time, tries to convey to them that everything is fine.</p><p>"It was a successful day today. Why not celebrate it at the bar. First-round on me." Alex happily declared everyone entering the lockers' room to change their stinking uniforms from the smell and sweat. They had a few hours left until the end of the shift, but nothing exciting was going to happen. Buck smiled to himself and thought <em>he was so me two years ago</em>. On a normal day, he would definitely flow with such an invitation. Still, today he just wanted to get through the evening with Diaz Boys with a movie and a beer.</p><p>"I will give up this time, and besides, it's not such a success story." Buck answered and opened his locker. He took out another set of uniforms he had. Without noticing, the picture on the shelf upstairs with his civilian clothes fell to the floor.</p><p>Even before Buck had time to bend down to pick it up, Alex snatched the picture and looked at it. The blond man panicked.</p><p>"Hoppa, who's that girl? With a baby? What, you have a child?" The new trainee asked in an arrogant voice. Waving the picture in the air as if it were a game for him</p><p>"Gimme that!" Buck said aggressively. His eyes began to get damp. This is not how he wanted his family to know. But Alex kept teasing him and saying, "she's really cute, what's her name?"</p><p>"Just give me back the picture, please." He answered him in a broken voice, and tears began to fall on his cheeks. Luckily, Eddie appeared behind Alex and took the picture abruptly and then bypassed him and passed it on to his friend. Buck took the picture and brought it closer to his chest. Out of nowhere, he fell to his knees without prior preparation and burst into tears, "My Amilia." Eddie immediately grabbed him and hugged him. Bobby, Chimney, and Hen looked at both in surprise.</p><p>"What happened, Buck? Who is Amilia?" Bobby and Chimney asked together.</p><p>"You do not have to answer, you know that, right?" Eddie whispered in his ear</p><p>Buck nodded. He looked at his friends. It's time to tell them they're his family. He took a deep breath and began to share with them the whole story. And this time, he did not spare details.</p><p>Buck finishes telling about Amilia and the terrible day that happened to him ten years ago. Bobby hugged him tightly and was followed by Han and Chimney as well as a group hug.</p><p>Bobby gave him an understanding look and said quietly, "I'm releasing you home. And that's an order." Bock thanked him with a smile. The captain passed to Eddie, "You too, you have to watch Buck." Eddie sighed and nodded.</p><p>In the end, only two remained. Clean and dressed in civilian clothes. Eddie cleared his throat and asked Buck, "Where do you want us to go?"<br/>
"Can we take Chris and have a walk in the park?" Buck replied.</p><p>"Sure," Eddie replied.</p><p>The two firefighters stood at the school gate, and in front of them approached Christopher with a surprise on his face. "Dad, Bucky, what are you doing here early? Where's Carla?"</p><p>"Bucky is sad today, and I thought that to make him happy, we'll take you from here and go straight to the park. We'll eat ice cream." Said Eddie. And Buck went down to his knees, to the height of the boy's eyes.</p><p>His son was about to answer him until a call was heard in his name, "Christopher!" And the boys turned their heads towards the voice. The girl with the blue dress ran to them with the crutches.</p><p>"I just wanted to say thank you for accompanying me on my first day of school." The girl gasped and smiled at him and then passed her gaze to Buck and Eddie.</p><p>"Hey, I'm Amanda."</p><p>And so, unintentionally, the universe brought together the father and his lost daughter</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Ams'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ams' POV.<br/>ENJOY!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ams'</p><p>Have you ever felt that everything was going to work out? Is that everything about to become clear? But at the same time, everything seems absurd, and we get even more confused. What's even weirder is that I feel like I've come to the right place. Why? I'm supposed to hate this place. I'm supposed to be mad at my mom, who only thinks about herself and her fashion design career and not about my wants. And I did get angry, and I did get upset, but it all disappeared when I met Christopher and then his dad and his Bucky.</p><p>You see, I do not believe in coincidences. Everything happens for a good reason. I know what you guys think; what about free choice? I think it's all a matter of timing and taking a chance. I mean, we should take this moment as an opportunity and not take it for granted. Because again, there is a particular and justifiable reason for everything that happens.</p><p>There's a good reason why I have crutches.</p><p>There's a good reason why my mom's not with me all the time except my nanny Anita.</p><p>There's a good reason we're moving to Los Angeles.</p><p>There is a good reason why Christopher feels to be the closest to a sense of home for me.</p><p>And of course, there is a good reason for the strange feeling I had when I looked into Buck's eyes as if I had known him for a long time. I was looking for the same feeling many years ago that I wanted to know how it would feel.<br/>
And now I can give it a name, it's a family feeling. And that scares me, how can that be? How did it happen that I meet him for the first time, and I already feel safe next to him? Anita kept telling me not to trust strangers at all easily. For some reason, her voice was not heard inside my head this time.</p><p>"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Diaz and Mr. Buckley." I smiled a little and reached out, and the crutch was dragged due to the movement. The two firefighters looking at me were a bit shocked and probably did not understand how I knew their names. Christopher showed me a picture of him and the two of them during the break, so I can identify who Buck is and who his dad is, Eddie.</p><p>Buck blinked, took a deep breath, and then smiled at me. "Nice to meet you too, Amanda." Then he brought his hand to the outstretched hand and shook it gently but also authoritatively. "Next time, just call us Buck and Edidie. We are not that old, right?" He asked in a calm voice.</p><p>"It depends, do you have a tik tok?" I asked provocatively.</p><p>Buck rolled his eyes and sighed, "Obviously, I have, how old do you think I am, 50?" Then the four of us giggled. Eddie cleared his throat and politely asked, "So you're new in town, where did you move from?"</p><p>"From Philadelphia," I answered proudly. And I could see that the smile that was Buck's face was slowly fading.</p><p>"Wow, the first time you left?" Eddie asked quickly, probably not wanting me to notice.</p><p>"Yeah, my mom is a fashion designer. So she wants to open another boutique here or something." I replied with my eyes down.</p><p>Eddie seems to have understood me when he said, "I guess you're a little sad, you have a lot of friends there?"</p><p>"Yes, a little." I confessed freely. "I was planning something for my birthday with my friends because my mom is constantly busy with her work, and I'm pretty used to it."</p><p>"Okay, I'm sure you can celebrate your birthday here too." Eddie tried to comfort me.</p><p>"When is your birthday?" Buck suddenly asked. And a look on his face that I had a hard time recognizing. It was something between sadness and hope. As if I was reminding him of something from his past.</p><p>Even before I have time to answer, I notice a familiar figure approaching us. She calls my name, and I realize it's Anita.</p><p>"I have to go. See you tomorrow, Chris. Bye, Eddie Bye, Buck." I said and hurried towards her before she will come and embarrass me next to them. I love her very much, and she is like a mother to me. But sometimes she has a strange sense of humor, and she usually takes the words in their full meaning.</p><p>As I approached her, I immediately hugged her. Maybe so as not to worry her and maybe to give myself a sense of certainty, that she will make strange things that happen to me clearly.</p><p>Because I just met them, and I already want them to be my family, and that's it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi guys, how are you today?<br/>I hope that you really like reading this series so far.<br/>I will appreciate if you would try to be more active in the comments below since this is my only way to be in touch with you.<br/>i really enjoy reading your comments and answering them</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Buck</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Love confessions, finally!<br/>ENJOY!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buck</p><p>"Are you sure you do not want to stay to sleep tonight?" Eddie asked as he escorted his best friend towards the door.</p><p>Buck gave him a small smile and placed his palm on Eddie's shoulder and pressed gently as a token of gratitude for his concern and support. He stood in front of him with his back to the exit and replied confidently, "Yes, I'm sure. Don't worry. Maddie sent me a message that she was on her way to my apartment, so I would not be alone." Buck turned his head back to see if Uber had arrived or not. Then he looked back at Eddie when he realized he had some more time to talk to him.<br/>
He saw on the Latin man's face an expression of a desire to help and helplessness. There was also a tiny flash of disappointment that might not be enough for him to trust or even be a real partner in his pain. Buck really tried to fight the urge to get close to him, grab his neck, and bring their lips together. He was grateful for this day, for the calm afternoon in the park and then for a movie night with pizza in the company of Diaz boys and for the significant presence of both in the young man's life. He looked straight ahead and looked deep into Eddie's eyes, and the words hurried out of his mouth without being able to stop them as if the mind were in full cooperation with the heart.</p><p>"Hey, with how much it hurts and is hard for me today, I found my family, and it's you." Eddie fell silent, and Buck was stunned by the ease with which he said these words. Now he has two options, either to continue the sudden and very inappropriate confession for such a moment or to come up with some excuse that will slip away the issue and the embarrassment. For some reason, the blond man was charged with the same courage he got from this morning and chose the first choice.</p><p>"Since I met you and Christopher, you have become the reason I get up every morning and continue to live, you have become the light that brightens my life, you have made me feel like I'm the best version of myself." Buck takes a deep breath, and his eyes begin to become moist. "I know this is the wrongest time. But you guys are important to me. You are so important to me that I can not imagine what would have happened if we had not met. I love you." The last three words caused both of them to miss a beat. Buck stood still, unable to say another word or move. Eddie looked at him with big eyes, and his mouth opened and closed again and again.</p><p>Out of fear and shame, Buck started to turn around and get ready to run. He wanted to run away as fast as he could before he falls apart before realizing it was all over. It's good that Maddie would be with him as soon as he got home; unless, he would have done something from which there is no way back.</p><p>"You also make me feel like I'm the best version of myself." Eddie's words stopped Buck and made him turn himself back to him. Eddie didn't seem to waste a second and continued, "I love you too, damn it, I'm in love with you from the first moment I saw you with Chris." Buck's breath caught, and Eddie came closer to him until he put his forehead on Buck's. His palms wrapped around Buck's back of nack, and his thumbs moved gently back and forth on his cheek.</p><p>"I'm not going to do anything because I don't want to take advantage of your vulnerability even though I've been dying for over two years to kiss you. We're not in a position to do that now, and I'll wait for you till you'll ready." Eddie said in a whisper, and Buck noticed his eyes full of love. He could not help but fall for him more. He raised his hands, placed them on Eddie's arms, and rested his head's weight against his forehead. Buck had nothing to say but be there in such an intimate moment. He was filled with a sense of lightness and optimism for something new, for a new episode that would give him the happy ending after all the horrors he went through throughout his life.</p><p>Car's siren bounced off the two men and brought them back to the here and now. Buck took a step back and had a small smile on his face.<br/>
"text me before you go to sleep?" Eddie asked, and on his face, there was an expression of demand, but there was also a certain softness that indicated concern for him.</p><p>"Deal," Buck replied with a bright face. He turned towards the car and advanced towards her in quick and easy steps as if a fresh breeze had entered him.</p><p>After handing the driver the address to his home, he settled into his back seat, and then he took the picture from the back pocket of his pants. He held it between his fingers. Amelia is supposed to be 12 next month. Then he remembered Amanda, the new girl who moved here from Philadelphia. While Buck was talking to her, he felt something extraordinary. There was something so familiar about her and sure that he seemed to have known her forever. Something about her features reminded him of himself as a child. He hurried to erase that line of thought not to be dragged back into pain and wrong hypotheses.</p><p>Despite the holding back, Buck felt doubtful about everything that happened then in that fire. His father did inform him of Amelia's death, but he never saw her body. His father said she was so severely burned that she could not be identified. So he himself did not really get to see her.</p><p>"We've arrived." The driver announced in a tired voice.</p><p>Buck opened his wallet and gave him money for the drive. He thanked him, and he started walking towards the building. And when he got to the front door of his apartment, he saw Maddie standing leaning against the wall next to the door and in her right hand was a bottle of wine.</p><p>"Hey, Evan, how are you?" askes Maddie gently. Something in her voice made him gasp quickly. He neared her, and when he hugged her, he burst into tears. Maddie immediately wrapped him in her arms and hugged him tightly.</p><p>It's a good thing she will be there when he will find out the truth.</p><p>The truth about his daughter, Amelia. Which will come very soon, with the unexpected person</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>comments really motivate me to keep going with this story!!<br/>Thanx for reading and for giving me any feedback!<br/>love you all❤❤❤❤❤😘</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Ams'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Nothing serious will happen here. Just a peaceful time.<br/>ENJOY!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Am's</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      <em>Water, fire, air, and earth.</em>
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p><em>I stand on a cliff, and down below, there was an abyss, I fall into it and begin to ascend above the clouds. I feel light as a feather in the air, feel pure freedom, heal the pleasant wind on my face, and spread my hair. I do not have to worry about being anything or anything.</em><br/>
<em>Then, all of a sudden, without warning, I feel hot fireballs passing me, causing me to lose my balance and making me severely burn. I try to be in control, just not fall! Just do not fall !! But I do so without success and fall into the depths of the sea. The frozen sea that soothes these burns, I sink into it, want to disappear, want it to just see me because no one will remember me.</em><br/>
<em>In the end, I give up, stop fighting against it, and let it float above the water and sweep me to the ground in a deep sleep.</em><br/>
<em>I wake up and find that I have reached the ground. It was empty and moist. It seems to be missing something, something good. I remembered that before the long journey, I had brought the seeds with me. I take one of them out and put it underground. As time went on, I realized that the time had come to come to terms with nature. Because each of the flowers that have not yet grown, will be special in their own way, someone else will not know what to expect in the future. They will enjoy their authenticity and life on earth.</em><br/>
<em>I have come to terms with nature, and thanks to that, I love myself</em>. </p><p>I finished writing in a notebook while sitting at the dining room table. I finished eating breakfast. Sometimes the muse comes to me at unexpected hours. And when it arrives, you can not stop yourself. I love to write, especially when I have a hard time expressing my feelings out loud. It is my place of refuge, where I can write what I feel without being afraid for one second that it is forbidden or wrong. Because after all, with emotions, it is impossible to argue.</p><p>I heard the footsteps nearing me. I lifted my head and noticed Anita holding my backpack in her right hand and her left hand the crutches. She put them at the table on the other side of where I was sitting. You walked my plate, and my pussy and her lips curled up into a smile at the sight of the notebook I had. She brought me this notebook in honor of my 11th birthday. "It's best to come to writing when you're whole, with everything inside you."</p><p>"Are you excited about your birthday?" Anita asked enthusiastically, as if she was trying to instill in me a little of her level of excitement and distracted me for a moment from sadness, anger, and thought that I would not get to celebrate with my best friends from Philadelphia.</p><p>Almost all my life I grew up there, I grew up aside friends who filled what I felt was missing. I have three friends, and each one of them was crazier than others. We were a group of straight A's. Because of our names starting with A., we were Adam, Amanda, Ashley, and Augustine. It was definitely an absolute coincidence that we found each other and that we all connected despite the distinct difference between us.</p><p>Ashley, she was the most stressed between us. Order and control in this place were important to her. Sometimes, the boys would stretch her to get over her over control and maybe even teach her to let go and let go. I stand up to them, but deep down, I think she thanks them for pushing her boundaries every time.</p><p> Adam, the comedian in entertainment, would find in any situation a reason to laugh at him. He was sharp-tongued, and he was a brilliant genius with the jokes. The way he manages to tell a joke with a little touch of truth behind it. I'm sure he has a bright future in the world of stand-up.</p><p>Augustine, the most theatrical we have ever met, would have attracted attention with his sharp monologues. He would be able to say the right word with minimal effort. This is one thing that made me write and feel some kinds of emotions toward him.</p><p>And there is Me, I do not know how they would describe me, but if I had to choose, I would describe myself as the glue of the group. I would listen to everyone, headline all sorts of silly and substantive arguments, and try to keep the harmony as it.</p><p> If there is one thing we would all do all the time and feel invincible, it is to make music. We would write the lyrics and compose the songs ourselves. You would not expect a group of 11-year-olds, would you? I was the soloist, Adam was on drums. Ashley would play keyboards, and Augustine would be the guitarist. We used to work on the music at Augustine's house because his father works as a producer for his small recording company. Wow, we would hang out there after the school day and more. Spending time with my friends and making music filled me with the loneliness sense that I was immersed in.</p><p>"Hey, Earth to Amanda." Said Anita, and her right hand waved in front of my face. I narrowed my eyes and gave her a questioning look. And when I realized what she wanted from me, I replied with a little joy in a voice, "Yes, sure. Will you make my favorite cake?" And Anita put her hand on my cheek and said in a whisper as if it were a secret "Be sure of it, milk jam cake with coconut. chack."</p><p>"you're the best!" I exclaimed cheerfully and hugged her tightly.</p><p>"I know, right?" Anita grinned, and I laughed.</p><p>"Alright, enough to linger, Mr. Davis will take you to school in 10 minutes, so you better start moving towards the car and wait for him there already. Okay?" Anita finished with the most encouraging and soothing smile. I nodded to her with a bare-toothed smile as an answer.</p><p>"Have a magical day, sweetheart." She kissed my forehead and helped me put the bag back on my shoulders and handed me the crutches that were on the other side of the table. "Thank you, Anita. You too." I thanked her and started walking towards the car that would take me to school.</p><p>Two weeks have passed since the first day of school. It's been two weeks since I met Christopher and Eddie and Buck. I got to meet Carla's caregiver Chris and his grandmother, who came to pick him up from school. I have to admit I'm a little jealous of him, yet I'm really happy. He's lucky, and he's aware of that, I hope so. I would also like my mom herself to come to school and pick me up. I wish she would pamper me with ice cream after that. I would like her to help me with homework and science projects. I just wish my mom would be present at all the moments I need her and not work all the time just because she has to fulfill herself and conquer the world. Sometimes I feel disappointed in myself because of my limitation or my preferences in life. I know she loves me and cares for me in her special way; otherwise, she would not bring Anita or Mr. Davis or enroll me in a good school, or make sure they buy me new clothes, right?</p><p>When we got to the school parking lot, I saw from the window Chris getting out of the car and Buck helping him with his hand to stabilize the balance. Mr. Davis opened the car door where I was sitting and also helped me get out of it. Then he put my backpack on my shoulders and brought me the crutches. I slid my hands into them and began to move quickly towards Buck and Chris. I thanked the driver loudly without looking back.</p><p>"Buck! Chris!" I called to them in a loud voice. And they both looked at me, and there was a big smile on their faces. Suddenly Eddie also appeared and waved hello to me. The three boys approached me, and I continued on my way towards them.</p><p>"Hi Amanda, we haven't seen each other for a long time. But we hear a lot of stories from Chris. Tall me, is it true that you defended Chris from Max, who harassed him for still watching cartoons?" Buck asked with a half-smile and suspicious eyes.</p><p>"Um, I can not deny or confirm," I answered him playfully.</p><p>Buck grinned and said with slanted eyes, "Okay, either way, thank you. You're a very good friend."</p><p>I laughed gently, "No Big Deal, he's like a little brother to me."</p><p>"Do you have siblings?" Eddie was interested.</p><p>"No, I'm an only child," I answered coldly.</p><p>"Are you sure? Because I think Chris considers you a big sister." Buck replied confidently.</p><p>"Bucky!" Shouted, Chris. Like it's was some kind of secret.</p><p>I looked at Chris happily and patted his shoulder "it's okay, it's really a great honor for me to be your big sister."</p><p>And Chris gave me a gentle hug. He looked at the two men with a softness on their faces. "Dad, can Amanda be invited to us for Saturday night? Please." And his voice was pleading, and he looked at him with big eyes. <em>Nice trick, Christopher,</em> I thought to myself. I remembered I had birthdays in two weeks, and now that I knew them a little more, I would have preferred to celebrate the day with these three boys. With all due respect to Anita, Mr. Davis, and the other staff at the house, I want some change and a chance to be in their company.</p><p>"Actually, I have a better idea," I said before Eddie got the answer. Chris looked at me intrigued, and his father and Buck looked at each other and then looked at me attentively.</p><p>"In two weeks, I have a birthday, and I was thinking of inviting you to my house."</p><p>"Can I, Dad?" Chris asked, and he was all excited.</p><p>"You two, too," I said in the direction of Buck and Eddie. Maybe to convince them to come too. "I do not have many friends here in the area. And my mother, well, my mother will be busy over the head with her job. I would be very happy if you could. I know you are firefighters, and you can not guarantee that you can do it."</p><p>Eddie sighed slightly and said, "Okay, we'll come."</p><p>"When is your birthday and how old will you be?" Buck continued.</p><p>"On October 24th. And I will be 12." I replied proudly as if I was glad I was growing up in a year.<br/>
Suddenly the school bell rings, announcing the start of the first lesson. "There's more time until then. I'll give you my mom's number to get the details, is that okay, Eddie?" I asked.</p><p>"Yes, have a wonderful day." He answered me. And Buck, standing next to him, waved goodbye to me. I gave them the biggest smile I could and walked towards the school entrance.</p><p>Then behind me, I heard Buck says in a whisper, and it seemed like only I could listen to him clearly.</p><p>"Goodbye, Amelia."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So what do you think?<br/>Has Buck found out?<br/>love you all!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Appreciations and Clarifications</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hey guys,<br/>I know you're all looking forward to the next chapters, and it's coming this Thursday. I have a few things to clarify:</p><p>1. All chapters will air every Thursday. There may be times I will upload on another day, depending on my mood.</p><p>2. I have no idea how many chapters this plot will have. But I'm pretty sure we all like a slow burn. Am I right?</p><p>3. I hope my English looks pretty good to you, and if there are any errors, then I'm really sorry. I'm trying my best.</p><p>For those of you who are interested, I was inspired to write the fic from <strong>red_to_black. </strong>I am aware that these are two completely different directions. But something there in writing made me want to write and overcome my fear of a language barrier and the writing itself.</p><p>And I want to thank you for every hit, every comment, and every kudos. You encourage me to keep writing this story and I love all of you for it. It's not obvious at all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Maddie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>just a set up...<br/>ENJOY!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Maddie.</p><p>Two lines.</p><p>It shows two lines.</p><p>So that means ...</p><p>I'm pregnant! She declared to herself in a whisper while holding the test stick. Luckily she was home alone. A few minutes before, while Madi was waiting for the result, she received a message from Chimney that he had just finished his shift and will spend time with his younger brother, Albert, at a karaoke bar. He later also told her not to wait because he would be back later in the night.</p><p>How would I tell him, Maddie thought to herself. Of course, she was happy about it, but it was unexpected or planned. She always wanted children, and since she saw Amelia for the first time, the desire intensified even more. But she avoided it when she was married to Doung. Even then, she promised herself that she would do anything to not get pregnant from him when there was violence within their marriage. She chose this to protect future children she would not have.</p><p>This time Maddie didn't have to fear or protect herself or the baby in her womb. She did not have to think about abortion or feel guilt and pain at the very thought of it. This time Maddie could finally allow herself free and safe.</p><p>She remembered her little brother's pregnancy. How strange to say those words, even if it has already become the most natural thing for her. Because in Maddie's mind, she's always had one brother, and she has one niece. The first time Buck told her about Amilia was just after she was born. And when that happened, Maddie almost let the anger take over, but she stopped herself and realized she had no right to be angry with him. The only person she could be mad at was herself. How was she not there for him? How can she abandon him there alone with these parents? How did she not listen to him when he said something was wrong with Doung? And the big question is how she didn't muster the courage to run away from her abusive husband. Better late than never, Maddie consoled herself with this thought. To Amilia's credit, she was the one who connected the brothers after a few months of disconnection and made them closer than ever.</p><p>Maddie didn't have to hesitate at all, and she knew exactly who she would tell first. She took the test and the phone and went to sit on the couch. She had to tell him right away, and she was too emotional to go to him. So she sent him a message.</p><p> </p><p>&gt;&gt; Hi Evan, are you available now?</p><p> Yes. Did something happen? Why did I even ask? Obviously, something happened. Otherwise, you would not call me Evan &lt;&lt;</p><p> </p><p>Maddie rolled her eyes and grinned to herself. Sometimes she forgets that her little brother knows her too much.</p><p> </p><p>&gt;&gt; Facetime? I have something to show you.</p><p> </p><p>She expected to receive a message from him, and instead, she received a video call. Buck didn't seem to want to wait for her and took the first step. Maddie took a few deep breaths, and then she ran her thumb across the screen. Buck appeared on the screen, shirtless, found lying on the bed or couch.</p><p>"Come on, spill it out," Buck said in a decisive voice. As if he wanted her to go straight to the point. It did scare her, but something was soothing in his blue eyes. One look at the content, and she already knew everything would be fine no matter what.</p><p>"It's good you're lying down because I want to show you something. Are you ready?" Maddie asked, and she shivered with excitement. Her heart pounded so fast she could feel him coming out of her chest. Buck looked at her worriedly.</p><p>"Whatever it is, I'm with you. You know that, right?" he said.</p><p>He's too good to be my brother. Maddie thought in her head. She was guilty of not being there when he needed her, not being the big, good sister enough. And maybe that's why she chose to tell him first before everyone else. Before her parents and even before Chimney. She wanted to make up for those times when she abandoned him and did not protect him.</p><p>"I'm pregnant," she responded quickly. And her eyes opened wide as if she was surprised by the ease with which she released the thing that was sitting on her heart. Without thinking too much, she brought the test in her hand closer to the camera.</p><p>"Oh My God," Buck shouted, and Maddie started crying with excitement.</p><p>"Wait, does Chimney know about this?" Buck asked.</p><p>Because she could not answer him with her voice, she just shook her head.</p><p>"Oh, are you happy or ..."</p><p>"Of course, I am happy!" She answered immediately. "We talked about it once. It's just ... it's just ...""It just was unexpected." Buck completed it. He sighed as if identifying with her. Maddie watched him as he rose to his feet.</p><p>"You have nothing to be afraid of. You are going to be an amazing mother. This baby will be so lucky because he will have two best parents all over the world. And believe me, I'm not just saying."</p><p>And she could see tears in her brother's eyes. Apparently, this news flooded him with memories of Amilia. It has been almost three weeks since that day today. It has become a routine matter for Maddie, but the heart still explodes with missing to her even when ten years have passed.</p><p>The unexpected person will soon release the two siblings, the longing and the pain—precisely the day before Amilia's birthday.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Any guesses who it might be?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Buck</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi guys, so sorry that I didn't upload it on Thursday as I promised you.<br/>I had an assignment to submit it on that day.<br/>And also I had a tiny block so it took me a little time to overcome.<br/>This is going to be another setup before the big truth will be revealed.<br/>ENJOY!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buck.</p><p>
  <em>&gt;&gt; What do you think I should buy for a 12-year-old girl's birthday?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's for Amanda, right? &lt;&lt;</em>
</p><p>
  <em>&gt;&gt; yeah .. Chris once told me he would see her write a lot in a diary. So I thought maybe buy her a notebook. Although it's quite shallow ..</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Why is this so important to you? Chris and Eddie have already bought her a present, haven't they? &lt;&lt;</em>
</p><p>He paused for a moment after reading the message. Maddie asked the critical question, and the answer to it seems to be somewhere in his subconscious. But he pushed it deep so as not to get carried away into something that might this time really not be a way back.</p><p>
  <em>&gt;&gt; I know, it's just something about her that makes me feel like we've known each other a lot of the time. So I need to give her a present too.</em>
</p><p>He sent it to Maddie quickly and confidently. As if he wants to justify his decision. It is very strange to buy a gift for your friend's son's best friend. But it depends on what you buy, right?</p><p>
  <em>I didn't expect otherwise. You always had a big heart. And that was your strength and also your weakness. &lt;&lt;</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What were you thinking of buying for her?&lt;&lt;</em>
</p><p>Buck smiled at the message he received from his older sister. Sometimes he forgets that she knows him better than he does.</p><p>
  <em>&gt;&gt; I found a diary where there is a task to write every day of the year. It's a kind of writing journey. What do you think?</em>
</p><p>When he thought of his idea again. He suddenly realized it could be too much. After all, Chris and Amanda have been together twice since the last time they all met. It's too little and too early to invest in such a significant gift. It can be a bit daunting for the girl what they are related to each other. He's a complete stranger to her. Why could he not just think of a toy or a greeting card?</p><p>Amanda, she is something special for you, am I right? &lt;&lt;</p><p>Maddie seems to have helped him understand the reason behind the desire to buy Amanda the gift. He calmed down a bit when he saw that his sister had not judged him or reprimanded him for his somewhat strange desire.</p><p>
  <em>&gt;&gt; Yes, she is.</em>
</p><p> He sent back while smiling.</p><p>
  <em>So I think this would be a lovely gift. I'm sure Amanda will love it  &lt;&lt;</em>
</p><p>Buck breathed a sigh of relief. Apparently, he was looking for approval for his idea.</p><p>
  <em>Umm ,Evan &lt;&lt;</em>
</p><p>His eyes were caught on those words. Maddie only calls him by his name when she's serious, or something has happened that he might not like.</p><p>His heartbeat was fast and he wrote the message with trembling fingers, a little afraid to find out the answer.</p><p>
  <em>&gt;&gt; Yes, Maddie?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I sent an email to our parents, informing them of my pregnancy. &lt;&lt;</em>
</p><p>Of course, she would do such a thing, Buck thought to himself. Although he has not been in continuous contact with them since the change he made, his sister still tells them everything she went through. And those emails were the best way for both of them. It was the kind of relationship where they keep the family but from a distance.</p><p>
  <em>&gt;&gt; And ..</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tomorrow they will come to me for dinner, and they want you to be there too. &lt;&lt;</em>
</p><p>Immediately after, Maddie continued. Clearly, she knew exactly what he was feeling at that moment.</p><p>
  <em>I think you should come. To have a closure. &lt;&lt;</em>
</p><p>Buck sighed reluctantly after reading the message. The last time he talked to his parents was after the sex reassignment surgery he underwent. It was the first year of Amelia's death. Just when his father forced him to enroll in college, claiming he would get him to move on. The young man was so broken and shattered by the pain for his beloved daughter that he did not even think about continuing life at that time. He assured himself that he would flee to other places and never return to Philadelphia. He did it one bright day. Just got up and left without leaving his parents any letter. Even so, they had no right after all the rigid treatment they gave him.</p><p>At some point, Maddie is right. He really needed a closure. All these years, Buck would still carry with him the anger and sadness towards them. He continued to keep within himself all the words he would like to say to them and did not dare to do so because he still thought they would not take him seriously and would quickly deny him. So maybe this is really a good opportunity to release the anger and move on so that he will be free for himself and for Eddie and Christopher.</p><p>
  <em>&gt;&gt; Okay, I'll be there tomorrow.</em>
</p><p>If only he knew that tomorrow, his life was about to change completely, and that finally, everything would become clear to him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>PLEASE let me know what you think:)<br/>love you all!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. The Buckley family.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi guys!!<br/>So sorry for a long wait.. I'm in rough times right now. My grandmother passed away and a month later I had to put my cat on peaceful sleep.<br/>But now I feel a little bit better. Thank u so much for sticking around with me. LOVE YOU ALL.<br/>ENJOY!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Buckley family.</p><p>Buck stood in front of the front door of Maddie's house. He was about to knock on the door but stopped himself just as he heard the noises coming from the other side of the door. Then he realized one thing, they're already here. His parents have already arrived. He backed away, and his head emptied of thoughts. It could literally be said that he just froze in place, without the ability to move his body. After all the years, they were in a kind of disconnect, and Buck was sure he had managed to overcome his hurt feelings and move on. It still seems like he is back to being dragged back by his parents and wanting them just so they should be happy with him. Lucky, his sister, will be with him. She is very smart, especially in light of her relationship with Duang.</p><p>Buck took a deep breath and reminded himself that he has a back from people he loves no matter what happens. After instilling in himself the little courage he had and the pride that he had not run away from cowardice, he finally knocked on the door. The wait felt like an eternity to him, and when the door opened, he did not notice that he was holding his breath during all this time. Maddie stood in front of him with a small smile on her face and opened her arms to hug him. Buck approached her and went around her pelvis with his arms and hugged her tight. Maddie shrugged it back to her and whispered in her little brother's ear, "I'm so glad you're here and remember, I'm always here for you." As the two brothers walked away from each other, Buck gave his sister a smile of thanks and waited for her to lead the way and then closed the door behind him.</p><p>She led him towards the dining area, and even then, the tension in the air could be felt. Because their parents are already at the table, waiting for the two siblings to come back to them and sit around the table. Everything felt like they were in slow motion. Buck suddenly becomes more aware of everything in front of him. Aware of the very jarring silence, of the tense atmosphere before them of his parents' expressionlessness and their attempt to start the conversation politely because, after all, they came to celebrate the good news of Maddie's pregnancy.</p><p>"Hello Evan," his father said in a quiet, polite voice. He does not seem to want to cause problems with such a meal. And his mother approached him with open arms, and then she hugged him tightly. Buck could feel her shaking. How he waited for Mom's hug, warmth, and love to envelop him. He has been waiting all this time for the moment when they will give him unconditional love, without judgment, and with the full freedom of choice to be who he wants to be and accept him as he is.<br/>
But with parents like his, such love does indeed come with conditions. And when Buck recognized that thought, he immediately did not allow himself to sink into his mother's warm embrace.</p><p>"Okay, so let's sit down to eat?" Maddie's question redeemed Buck from the embarrassing silence. And he moved away almost enthusiastically from his mother and hoped in his heart that she would not notice it. He smiled a little at her and approached the table. Opposite him stood his father, who extended a hand to him. Buck shook his hand hard in the hope that his father would not feel the tremor he had.</p><p>"Hello, son," his father said in an impressive and decisive voice. His expression was agitated, and he tried to smile a polite and gentle smile, but the tension on his face could be seen. The young man nodded quickly and sat down at the table.</p><p>Well, they're here for Maddie. This is not the time to stir up scenes, Buck told himself. This time, he assured himself that he would be quiet, not make any remarks, and not break into his father's words. He got tired of all the loud and forceful arguments. He has long felt he did not need his approval because he had reached a point where he felt whole with himself. Well almost.</p><p>Indeed, this is how the dinner went, with many small talks and especially a lot of awkward silences. Everyone in the Buckley family is careful not to say anything that will cause a commotion to start. Everyone here was carefully alert and tense. There was no sense of family here that everyone shares their experiences and enjoys the time they have. Instead, there was a feeling of a business meeting of some of the family members having questionable interests.</p><p>"So, how do you feel about pregnancy?" Asked Patricia, the mother. And Buck felt the pinch in his heart as he sipped Locke from a glass of wine.</p><p>Of course, it will be different. Maddie, his older sister, was always perceived by their parents as the perfect girl who kept meeting all their expectations. This image became a bit murky when she married Duang. Her parents reprimanded her for his strange behavior and the frightening feeling he conveyed to them. Somehow Buck was jealous of Maddie that she would not always seek approval from Mom and Dad. Probably because she played by their rules and at the same time, she added more rules of her own.</p><p>Maddie rolled her eyes at her little brother and then replied in a calm voice and apologized to Mom, "Mom, this is just the beginning. Meanwhile, all I feel is nausea in the morning, hypersensitivity to smells, and lots of cravings for pickles. Above all, I'm glad you have another grandchild." Admittedly she smiled, but her voice was raised just at the last word. Just to hint at them being a little more sensitive.</p><p>The father, Richard, cleared his throat and raised his palm to the air to draw attention and get everyone around to enter a seriousness mode. And Buck sighed to himself, here it comes.</p><p>"Do not try to imply that we forgot Amilia." His father hissed. "We think about her all the time."</p><p>"Do you?" Maddie asked nervously. "So why didn't you call her on the anniversary of her death or her birthday all these years?" She looked at Mom and Dad, who were sitting across from her for a moment. She did not wait for them to answer and continued, "I know why because she is Evan's daughter. And he is not good enough for you, right?"</p><p>"Maddie!" Shouted Buck. He did not want the family meal to end that way. He just wanted it to pass, and after that, they would go on with their lives.<br/>
"What ?! It's not fair to you .. after all what you've been through," Madi responded as she looked at her brother.</p><p>"He doesn't have to get into it right now, okay? It's good she's with another family. Only trouble she brings," Richard burst out in an angry voice. And Patricia slapped on his shoulder, "Richard!"</p><p>Buck froze for a moment. His mind emptied of thoughts, and just looked at the parents sitting across from him. What was that now? Did he talk about his daughter? What did he mean? Madi seemed brave enough to bring up the question he was afraid to ask because he knew he would not like the answer, for better or worse.</p><p>"What did you just say now?" Said Maddie in a trembling voice and with a startled look.</p><p>Richard shifted his gaze between Maddie and Buck and then sighed in defeat. "Amilia ... she's alive. The fire that happened, it was kind of a cover story so you could move on despite the loss. You have to understand that I did it for you. She has cerebral palsy. It's a lot of problems, and I did not want you to be dragged deep into it."</p><p><br/>
And at that moment, everything stopped.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Eddie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>OMG OMFG...<br/>I really enjoyed writing this chapter. I highly suggest you guys to grab a few boxes of kleenex//<br/>Until then, enjoy</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eddie</p><p>"Don't forget to put the gift into the bag before you get ready for bed," Eddie said to his little son, and Christopher nodded vigorously. Enthusiastically, he got up from the couch with the crutches' help and started walking to his room after finishing watching the movie 'toy story'. Eddie smiled at him and hoped to himself that his child would always maintain the joy of his life for the rest of his life. Even if he grows up and understands that the world can be tough and not fair, especially to people like him, then at least he will have optimism that will help him overcome any obstacle in the future.</p><p>Somehow, he was glad Chris has Amanda. She seems to have already tasted the tough world and that she might be able to help him accept his difference and live with it. Eddie was very careful to raise the issue of disability. He would genuinely believe all along that Christopher could do whatever came to his mind, be whoever he wanted, and felt safe in his place.</p><p>Eddie recalls the day he and Buck helped Chris skateboard. He smiled to himself as he recalled in his head this moment or this important day. Somehow he fell in love, even more, when Buck told him about the idea. How his heart was so pounding that he saw Chris become happy and joyful. Eddie hoped that following that day, his dear son would understand that he could do anything, although there would be times when things would go a little differently, and that was fine. Somehow it made Eddie want to do it again one day. And maybe they will invite Amanda to them too.</p><p>"Everything ready for tomorrow, mijo?" Said Eddie as he entered Chris' room.</p><p>"Yes! I hope Amanda will love the gift and greeting card I made for her." The boy answered a little enthusiastically and a little in doubt.</p><p>"Hey, I'm sure of it. It seems to me that what matters about Tomorrow is that we'll be there for her. So she doesn't celebrate her first birthday here in LA alone." Eddie replied with a gentle smile.</p><p>Chris nodded in agreement. "Bucky will also come with us, right?"</p><p>"Yes, he will come. Don't worry."</p><p>Eddie recalls that tonight Buck had a family meal with his parents. They came to celebrate Maddie's pregnancy. Needless to say, he felt angry at them for the ease with which they expressed their joy and enthusiasm with this exciting news without considering their son. Nor should there have been another emotion that transcended anger and rage and that was, of course, the concern for Evan.<em> I wish I could be there with you, querido</em>, he thought to himself. It did not occur to Buck that his parents would gossip about the future grandson they would have. This is how Eddie felt when he told him about the meeting. At least he was comforted knowing that Maddie would be there and somehow moderate their level of excitement. Eddie decided for himself to send a message to Buck later before he fell asleep in bed.</p><p>"Come on, brush your teeth, and then go to bed!" ordered Eddie, and Chris sighed heavily in protest. And so the father and son got into a night routine that ended with a chapter of Peter Pan and a goodnight kiss.</p><p>After Eddie put Christopher to sleep, he went back to the kitchen to get a bottle of beer. Then he went to the living room, sat down on the couch, and started looking for what to watch on Netflix. He did not feel particularly tired; apparently, he was anxious for Buck's well-being. It has been a month since they both confessed their feelings towards each other, and neither of them took it to the next step. One could definitely blame Eddie for that because he was kind of waiting to make a move at least after a while when Buck would be ready. After all, it should come from him, and Eddie would be willing to wait as long as it should happen, even if it would take another two years. For him, Evan Buckley is the one, and he will never give up on him ever. Out of all the fuss between the shows, Eddie encounters Sense 8. A show that more than once Buck would talk about it and keep telling him he had to watch that show. Buck crowned it as a masterpiece. Oh, how dramatic he can be sometimes.</p><p>The first episode began to play just as there were knocks on the door. Eddie got up from the couch and came to open a door. When the door opened, Buck stormed into the house. He gasped quickly, moving as far as possible in space as if he did not know what to do with himself and seemed to be really engrossed in his thoughts. For all that Eddie had heard and managed to understand from all the murmurs that came out of the young man's mouth was "she is alive."</p><p>"Buck .." Eddie started talking but stopped himself. He closed the door and turned back to Buck, who was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He walked over to him quickly and then put both hands on Buck's back. Moved his two thumbs over the damp cheeks with tears.</p><p>"Buck, breathe with me." Said Eddie, looking deep into the red eyes of his beloved. He took a deep breath to encourage him to do the same. And so the two men stood, breathing as one unit and immersed in each other's gaze.</p><p>"My Amelia ... she's alive," Buck replied in a broken voice and still with the purest smile that made Eddie miss a beat.</p><p>"what?" Eddie replied in disbelief.</p><p>"Amelia is alive and breathing. My father took her from me on the day of the fire. That's why they did not find her body." Buck approached Eddie and dragged him into a tight, tight hug, and he immediately melted into him and wrapped him in his arms. "Dad made the fire as a cover story. He found out that Amelia also has cerebral palsy after he took her for tests with the doctor without me even knowing about it," Buck continued to tell in a strangled and broken voice.</p><p>It was clear he was about to break down and sob, so Eddie put his fingers into his blond hair and whispered into his ear, "I'm with you. You have me." He fought the feelings of rage that threatened to erupt. How could his father do that? Kidnapping the girl from her father just because she has a disability.</p><p>"Do you understand? For ten years, she has lived with another family. Who knows how they treat her. Do they take care of her everything she needs? Do they believe in her and encourage her to do whatever she wants. For ten years, I have been busy mourning her instead of looking for her. And bring her back to me. " And when he was done, Buck burst into heartbreaking cries, and all Eddie could do at that moment was be there and help him collect all the pieces. You could see a storm of emotions, longing, sadness, anger, love, worry, and relief, lots of relief.</p><p>After a few moments in which the two men remained hugged in their arms, and their heads were inside their necks, Buck raised his head first. "I'm sorry I broke into your house like that. I had to see you."</p><p>"You have nothing to apologize for. I'm very glad you're here with me and not next to the" Eddie didn't have time to finish the sentence because his lips were caught with Buck's. He froze for a moment and then allowed himself to melt into the warmth of love. Eddie tightened his grip and brought Buck closer to him even more. His hands moved up and down as they researched all the curves of Buck's body. The kiss was gentle and yet full of passion. Their lips and tongues moved in wonderful harmony. It wasn't a kiss of fireworks and thrills of something completely new. It was a kiss of finding the house, finding the other half.<br/>
Buck moved away from a little and leaned his forehead on Eddie's. And a smile grew on his face that revealed all his teeth.</p><p>"Can I sleep with you tonight, just sleep?" Buck asked with a bit of ridicule.</p><p>And Eddie kissed him in response to his question, "Just sleep."</p><p>"Tomorrow, after we get back from Amanda's birthday party, we'll talk about it more. I promise, I'm just tired and just want to be with you and be happy knowing my daughter is alive" Buck Wadi nodded and accompanied him to his bedroom.</p><p>The two men learned from this night that it is ok to believe in the impossible.</p><p>Well, that impossibility is a kiss away from reality.</p><p>And oh, what a beautiful reality is going to be.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I had to put that reference OK?<br/>LOVE U ALL!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Ams'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys,<br/>so sorry for a long waiting.<br/>the writhing block is a bitch.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arms.</p><p>I opened my eyes slowly and then saw her, my mother sitting by me in bed. She smiled at me and said, "Happy birthday, baby. I can not believe you grew up for me in a year." And I smiled back. "this is my job, right? Growing up and evolving?" I said as I got out of bed. "No, your job is to stay my baby," Mom replied, and I frowned and replied, "but I can not, and the truth is I do not want to either."<br/>
"It's okay; for me, you'll always be my baby." She said and hugged me and at the same time helped me get up until sitting.</p><p> "I have something for you," and she threw her hands behind her back and pulled out a rather large box wrapped in paper with a sunflower print. She put me on my lap and then said in a whisper, "Now that you're becoming a beautiful girl, I thought I would give you something that will put you in a world of beauty and power. Go ahead and open." She motioned for me with both hands.</p><p>And I, with a little enthusiasm, tore the cover gently, right where there was cellophane. Because I did not want to ruin the beautiful cover, maybe I will use it for my diary. I folded it and then laid it on my other side on the bed. I lifted the lid and pushed aside the paper above, and noticed a Louis Vuitton side bag.</p><p>The smile on my face began to warp a little, and the enthusiasm inside me slowly dissipated. I know I'm getting forced to do good. I know I'm supposed to know I'm lucky. I know all this. But I did not want to get a bag of any brand just because I am a fashion designer's daughter. I did not want to accept something that had no meaning or anything special about it. I just wanted my mom to see me, to see through me the desire to be with her, only with her.</p><p>"Thank you, Mom, I liked it," I replied with a big smile and immediately hugged her, hoping she would not see the little disappointment on my face. "Now I can show off with this bag, and the girls at school will die of envy," I said. And she replied as she raised her hands as if admitting guilt, "This is my plan, I admit." I responded with a chuckle, "and I love you, mom. You're the best."</p><p>Just when we were both at this moment that I wished for him repeatedly when I was with my mom in the same room, I knew deep down that this killing would not last forever. Mom moved away from me a little, and there was an expression of sadness.</p><p>"I wish I could stay with you all day and not worry about everything going on at work. But I have to sort out the mess with my suppliers." Said Mother as she got to her feet and turned to bring the crutches. "At least you will celebrate with your friend and his dads so you will not be completely alone."</p><p>I opened my mouth to correct her, but then nothing came out of me. For a moment I thought about it in depth. Christopher has two fathers. Eddie and Buck would go together to pick him up from school whenever they could. And over the last two weeks, I could notice that they were both getting closer than ever, and I could have secretly seen them holding hands. They looked like an adorable couple, and they looked like a family of dreams. At least I'll be a part of them for a few hours.</p><p>"You are right," I agreed with a smile.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>tell me what you would like to see for the meeting with the boys. as always, your comments are really motivated me to keep going with this fic.<br/>love you all!</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. The boys</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Merry Christmas everyone!<br/>consider this as my gift to you since some of you have been anxious for Buck to find the truth about his daughter..<br/>Enjoy!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The boys.</p><p>The three boys stood in front of the front door of Amanda's house.</p><p><em>I really hope she will love the blessing and the gift. I wonder what cake flavor would be?</em> That's what Christopher thought as he swung his legs. The crutches helped him maintain balance and certainly not the level of excitement that was in his body.</p><p><em>What a great house Amanda has. No wonder her mom is a fashion designer,</em> Eddie was impressed by what he saw. He stood between Buck and Chris. He first looked at Chris and smiled to himself at the sight of the boy's enthusiasm. He then glanced at his hand with fingers crossed with Buck's.</p><p><em>Happy birthday, Ameilia, wherever you are</em>, he whispered to himself in Buck's heart. There is nothing more symbolic than celebrating his daughter's birthday along with knowing she's alive. He arranged for himself to return it to him. He will fight for it with all his might. The squeezing of his hand brought him back to reality and he turned his gaze to Eddie. Buck smiled at him and pressed back as a sign of gratitude that he was with him, all the time. And Eddie looked deep into his eyes as his way of telling him "always."</p><p>Someone seemed to know they had arrived because just as Eddie was about to knock on the door, it opened. And in front of them stood Anita dressed in a kitchen apron.</p><p>"Oh you must be Christopher, Eddie, and Buck. She's waiting for you in the living room." She said, waving with her arm to follow her.</p><p>The boys entered with slight hesitation but soon came lightly as if the only purpose here was to make Amanda happy and not start exploring her surroundings.<br/>
But what their eyes could see inside the girl's birthday house could not be ignored. It was like the most accepted girl's home in school as they would show in movies or TV shows. Everything is wide, clean and tidy. Stairs in a spiral shape. Large lounge for entertaining parties. Amanda probably has her own closet room and bathroom. There are servants everywhere. Large pool, sun terrace and garden full of flowers and a place to have a picnic.</p><p>When the boys arrived at the living room, Amanda greeted them running towards them with her abilities and with the crutches in both hands.<br/>
"Guys" she exclaimed in an excited, loud voice. Then she hugged Christopher abruptly. The action almost knocked them both down but stabilized with the help of Buck Wadi's hands. The four of them laughed together at the somewhat awkward situation.</p><p>"How good you are here. I'm really glad you're with me today." Amanda thanked with a small smile. She was wearing a bright yellow dress with a floral lace pattern. And her hair was scattered and wavy.</p><p>"We could not help but miss the opportunity to make you happy," Buck said. Impressed by her pure beauty. Wondering what his daughter looked like, he determined she was always stunning no matter what.</p><p>"Happy birthday, Ams" Chris greeted and hugged her again.</p><p>"Thank you," she replied. "So since I'm your host, I've prepared some fun activities for us to enjoy our time. Shall we start?"</p><p>"Wait, what about the presents?" Chris and Buck asked together in almost perfect timing. And Eddie looked away with an intrigued look. Maybe he was trying to understand the girl's character. It must have been a key question that would indicate whether she was greedy or partially happy.</p><p>"later ... when we eat the cake" she replied as she began to move towards the sofa. The boys followed her and sat down with her.</p><p>That's how the afternoon went for them, with card games and full of laughter. They talked here and there about everything they went through during the week. The men told funny stories from the readings they had. And the children shared experiences from school. The hours seemed to give Buck and Eddie some more power for what was to come. The fight to return Amelia.</p><p> Finally, Amanda got up from the couch and said as she walked towards the door facing the backyard, "I know we're not much for pinata, but Anita didn't want to give it up. That's what I would do with my friends at Philly back there."</p><p>"So come on, let's hit the pinata," Buck exclaimed vigorously. Eddie giggled to himself;<em> God, he is sometimes ridiculous, and I fall in love with him even more</em>. He approached him and placed his arm on his friend's back.</p><p>"I can't." Christopher's words made everyone stop and look at him, and there was concern on their faces. He went on even before anyone had time to ask him why, "I have a disability, and I don't think I can do it myself." He was still sitting on the couch, looking down, and his shoulders were drooping.</p><p>Eddie's heart was broken at the words of his dear son. He passed glances with Buck as he was looking for encouraging advice. He hoped the conversation they had that day when they were surfing on a stickboard would be enough for him. But apparently, dealing with the disability is really big on them. And no matter what or how many try to encourage him, still the disability manages to boost his self-confidence time and time again. Eddie sighed and then opened his mouth but Amanda burst out behind them and said,</p><p>"The fact that you yourself said you are with a disability and not disabled, shows me that you don't get how true it is and that it is basically all the difference."</p><p>Chris looked at her with pursed eyebrows. Amanda pursed her lips together as a sign of frustration. She began to move in his direction and passed between Buck and Eddie. The boy didn't understand what she meant, it is true, he really has a disability. He knew he couldn't do things like the other children. He always made sure to show everyone that he was okay with the situation while deep down he felt frustrated. His father would tell him all the time that there was nothing he would not be able to do and that for him the sky was the limit.</p><p>When Amanda stood in front of him, she placed her palm on Christopher's shoulder to draw his attention to her. "Your disability does not define you, it's just a small, marginal part of you." She said in a quiet, encouraging voice. "You have no boundaries so you know what you are not capable of doing yourself. Rather you have limits so you know what the edge of your abilities is. And that's what matters." She continued in a determined tone.</p><p>Like magic, Christopher suddenly felt light in his body. As if all his doubts about himself were completely gone. He got up from the couch at full speed and said "Let's go!" Then he started moving towards Buck and Eddie.</p><p>"Oh, now that's the right approach." Amanda determined immediately after him.</p><p>Buck and Eddie moved aside to clear the way for the kids. They were overwhelmed by that moment and their hearts melted from all the sweetness and warmth that was present there.</p><p><em>Amanda is so like me</em>, Buck thought in his head. She is stubborn and not giving up. She believes in Christopher and sees him as a whole person. And of course she thinks the same about herself. A frightening thought went through his mind, and Buck hurried to dismiss it because it could not have been. And yet intuition or despair manages to transcend a piece of logic left in him. That maybe it's her, his daughter.</p><p>"She reminds you." Said Eddie as he turned towards the children. He slid his right hand over Buck's arm until he reached his palm and finally crossed their fingers.</p><p>"I don't know about you, but I'm so glad Chris has Amanda. She's one of the kind, just like you."</p><p>"Yeah, right?" Buck replied in agreement. Eddie seems to think the same as he does and is afraid to say it out loud. Buck turned on his heels and started walking beside Eddie.</p><p>"Amanda, you have more guests," Anita called behind them.</p><p>Buck turned his head back, intrigued to know who these guests were. He stopped in his tracks when he recognized his parents.</p><p>"Mom, Dad, what are you -" He did not get to finish the sentence because Amanda pushed herself through Buck and Eddie.</p><p>"Grandpa, Grandma, you're here! I thought you wouldn't come because you don't like Los Angeles."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Im just gonna... hide.. somewhere..<br/>you're more than welcome to yell at me here and on my tumblr (its the same name)<br/>Edited: I made a survey for the next chapter, so you can put your opinions.<br/>It's in the next work and I'll very appreciate it if you could make time for answering this survey.<br/>It will be helpful to me.<br/>thank you so much and I love you all.</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Buck</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ENJOY..<br/>I wanted to say thank you whoever answered the survey for this chapter. You've been so much helpful.<br/>I'm so excited about today, who's with me?<br/>Happy 911 season 4 premiere week everyone. I can't wait to see what some of you will write!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buck</p><p>All the pieces had finally connected.</p><p>And yet, he remains more confused than ever.</p><p>It can't be. It couldn't happen at this very moment.</p><p>After all this time, she was here, in front of him. She was there from the first moment she appeared and entered his life. All he had to do was just to notice her.</p><p>He finally found the piece that was missing. He finally felt his emptiness slowly dissipate, and his body becomes lighter.</p><p>Buck was still motionless as Amanda shifted her gaze from Richard to him. His breath caught as he looked into the girl's eyes. These eyes are very blue, and it was possible to dive into them and find deep peace there. And those were precisely the same eyes that Buck would always remember and the feeling he had, even when he looked at them while holding his daughter when she was a baby.</p><p>His daughter. She's his daughter.</p><p>Amanda is Amelia.</p><p>His Amelia.</p><p>And there was no need to ask for more.</p><p>"Are you okay, Bucky?" Amanda asked.</p><p>That question took Buck out of the shock he was in. He blinked and shook his head. He did not know how long he had been like this but felt that everything had stopped reigning. The first person he looked at was Eddie. On his face was an expression of surprise mixed with worry, and a small handful of anger could be discerned there. Buck then turned his eyes to Anita, who looked confused in the situation and moved uncomfortably. And finally, Buck's eye-tracking ended on his parents' faces. His teeth creaked, and his hands clenched into almost fists. But for some reason, his eyes went down, and then he saw Amanda. Buck closed his eyes and took a distinctly deep breath as if he was looking for a way to stay calm despite a storm of emotions taking place inside him.</p><p>"Yes, Am-nda. I'm fine. I just recognized your grandparents. I would go to the same church where they used to pray. I was surprised that it is precisely in this place, and today I meet them. What a small world, right?" He lied with a big but forced smile, hoping that it would not surpass the anger and sadness in his voice. His parents writhed in their place, and on their faces was a market that was quickly replaced by discomfort as if they knew they had been caught, and they didn't want to admit it.</p><p>Amanda or Amelia who didn't notice at all, asked in a gentle voice, "Really?" Her eyes were large and full of joy and innocence.</p><p><em>I want to hug you so much, my beautiful baby girl. I've missed you so much,</em> Buck thought to himself. He mustered all his strength to not pounce on her and take her somewhere else, and Eddie would probably have helped him without thinking twice. But this is not the time for that. How would he explain to her everything that had happened? How will he tell her he's her father? Who is also her mother who gave her birth? And that she was taken from him by his parents, who themselves were probably present during her life. In a heavy move, he decided to cooperate with his parents only for a while, until he will konw what to do next.</p><p>"Yes," Buck replied. He cleared his throat.</p><p>"Listen, why don't you go to the yard with Chris, and we will all join you soon. I want to catch up with your grandparents because it has been a very long time since we last met, almost a decade," Buck continued, and he was surprised to find that his voice was very calm given the situation.</p><p>"Okay, but you'll come later, right?" Amanda whispered. It was not clear if she meant everyone or just him. But in Buck's intuition, he had no doubt who she was referring to. And that knowledge made him smile.</p><p>"Are you sure? Because otherwise, we'll be the ones to steal your candy," he said.</p><p>The girl laughed, "not if we'll be the first." Then she turned around and walked with Chris to the yard. "Anita, come with us." Shouted Amanda. And Anita opened her mouth to say something but then closed. She apologetic smiled at Richard and Patricia while to Buck and Eddie made a slightly crooked face with narrowing eyes. The nanny finally followed the two children, and Buck followed them with his eyes as he stood aside.</p><p>With the four of them left alone in the living room, the young man was the first to break the silence.</p><p>"Tell me that's what I think it is" he looked at his parents with a pleading look. His eyes begin to water, and luckily Eddie was close to him to grab him from behind.</p><p>Richard sighed heavily and on his face was an expression of defeat. "This is your daughter."</p><p>And that was all it took for Buck to break. He no longer cared about playing nice next to his dad and mom. For him, they crossed a line from which they could not return, no matter how sorry they would be or what they would do to atone for their actions. To him, they are no longer his family.</p><p>"How long have you been in her life?" Buck asked in an angry voice.</p><p>Richard blinked at the question, and Patricia looked at her son apprehensively.</p><p>"She's always been our granddaughter." Said his father confidently, but his voice was shaky.</p><p>"And she's not my daughter?" Buck finally shouted. He hoped it was not too loud to scare the children.</p><p>"She is, but you couldn't take care of her. We did it for you. We just wanted to make it easier for you. Raising a child alone at such a young age is difficult. And even more so when it comes along with dealing with the disability." Said his mother.</p><p>"That's bullshit, and you know it. You had no right to do that. This is my life. She is my daughter. I should have been given a chance to raise her. What made you think that this was best, huh?" he replied nervously. He hid his face with his hands and took a deep breath to himself.</p><p>"I've never been good enough for you, have I?" Buck asked, and he already knew the answer.</p><p>He approached his father and said in a quiet but almost threatening voice, "You are dead to me. I don't care what you think of her or me.  As for me, you can delete me from the will, and you can also take my trust fund from me. I will fight for my daughter, and I will do everything in my power to get her back. Even if it means going to court. "</p><p>"And who will believe you? Have you thought about it?" His father erupted. "How will you tell your daughter about you? How will you tell her you are her mother? And what will happen when she asks about her father? You gave up on her, and you moved on with your life."</p><p>"Enough!" Eddie growled behind Buck. He approached quickly until he overtook Buck. Only a few inches separated his boyfriend's face from his father's. "You do not deserve Buck, he is too good for you, and you are really blind, not realizing how much you take him for granted. He is the most selfless and kindest person I've ever know in my whole life. He has been a parent more than both of you. You do not deserve to call him your son and surely, Amelia as your granddaughter.   And if we have to, we will go to court. He has my back always just like I've got his."</p><p>Buck, overwhelmed by the words of his lover and father, walked away from them and walked the way they came to the living room. His breathing increased so fast that he felt he was having an anxiety attack. He finally stopped when he saw an entire wall in front of him full of framed pictures in the hallway.<br/>In all these pictures, his daughter appeared. He could see her development throughout her life. In one picture, he saw his daughter dressed in the costume of a fairy. Her dress was pastel purple and, behind her back, there were large wings. In her right hand, she holds the small bucket in the shape of a pumpkin. Buck turned his eyes to another picture in which the girl was in pajamas, and on her head were deer antlers. She was sitting on the floor and behind her stood a fir tree with flashing lights. The next picture is the one that made the man cry sobbing. He saw Amelia smiling the biggest smile, and her face was lit with a glowing yellow halo from sunshine. She looked like an angel.</p><p>A terrifying thought crossed through Buck's mind. <em>She doesn't need me. She already has a family. How can I fight for her if I have nothing to give her.</em> Doubt and disappointment flooded him inside, <em>how could I leave her, how could I move on instead of looking out for her. I should've listened to my heart.</em> He was immersed in himself until he felt a large hand resting on his shoulder. He didn't have to turn around to know that Eddie was there. Buck put his hand over Eddie's, and they both brushed each other's hands. He felt his lover come close to him, and then his arms wrapped around him from behind. He let him lean back to his chests and assimilate into the embrace.</p><p>The two men stood like this for a few moments until Eddie finally released his grip slowly and moved away from a little. At that moment, Buck turned his face to him and noticed that he was crying too. "Evan .." Eddie started to say and then put his forehead on his.</p><p>"Don't listen to your father, okay?" Said Eddie. Then he took Buck's two hands and brought them close to his chest. "We will fight for her. We will bring her back to you because she belongs to you. We will do everything we can. And I will be by your side all the time."</p><p>"But she doesn't need me anymore, look-" Buck just turned his head to show him the pictures. But Eddie put his hand on his face to make him look back into his eyes.</p><p>"I don't care. She does need you. You are her family, a real one." Set with complete confidence.</p><p>And Buck, who could not thank him enough, kissed him a deep and gentle kiss. "You're all my family, you know that, right? You, Christopher, and now Amelia too, you're my family, and that's all I need. I love you so much."</p><p>Eddie kissed him in response. Then he asked in a thoughtful voice, "What do you want to do now?"</p><p>"I want to go back to the kids and celebrate my daughter's best birthday ever," Buck answered quickly.</p><p>"And what about your parents?"</p><p>"We'll face them later."</p><p>All he wanted to do at this point is to be near his daughter and finally to have a chance to pull her close as much as possible to him and never let her go away.</p><p>Not without a fight.</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Ams'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so much fluffiness.<br/>ENJOY !!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ams'</p><p><br/>
The bat in Christopher's hands smashed unicorn-shaped pinata's lining. The candies scattered over him like dewdrops and he shouted loudly as if he was celebrating the first rain for the first time as if he was celebrating his moment of freedom.</p><p>"I did it!" Chris exclaimed aloud with resounding joy that all around him could not help but smile to themselves.</p><p>"You see, if I can do it myself, then you can do it too," I declared resolutely and patted his shoulder.<br/>
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Buck and Eddie come with their hands embraced in their fingers. They looked really cute together, and it was obvious that they were a couple. It was not strange, love is love, and it comes in all sorts of forms, and that is all the beauty. I remembered Ashley and her two mothers. How much love and openness there is in her family. I was a little jealous of Chris for having that feeling, a sense of a family that accepts and supports everyone as he is unconditionally.</p><p>"Dad, Buck! Look, I managed to hit it all by myself!" Chris told them enthusiastically as the two men approached us slowly.</p><p>"I had no doubt about it, Champion. You can do anything." Stated his father. And went down to his knees to be at eye level with his son.</p><p>"Not everything, but faith is the key, right?" Said the boy confidently.</p><p>Eddie breathed a sigh of relief and smiled as his hands clasped Chris' shoulders " God will bless you only with good." Then he brought him closer to him and kissed him on the forehead. "I am very proud of you."</p><p>"So it looks like we'll not be able to steal the candies from you, eh?" Buck whispered into my ear as we both watched Chris and Eddie.</p><p>"were you planning on that?" I asked with a slanted smile. And I looked at him deep in his eyes. They were a little red as if he was not sleeping enough or crying before the moment. Either way, I couldn't afford to ask him questions that really interested me.</p><p>"The truth is, I'll have enough for Halloween that way. I will have to go to the grocery store to buy any more. You know ..." Buck admitted, and I suffocated the grin that was in my throat. I wanted to continue this game, especially since no one here really got a sense of humor like mine, even my mom. Sometimes it made me feel like people here are too serious that sometimes I just want to scream at them to calm down. Life is good.</p><p>"Okay, so to get some share of the candies, I'm afraid you'll have to talk to Chris. Because he's the one who did the hard work here." I answered with a small, careful smile.</p><p>"Oh, it's not a problem. Chris is my best friend. There's no way he will not share with me." Buck replied as if he was sure of his little victory.</p><p>"Be careful with what you wish for." I raised an eyebrow as I tilted my head to the side.</p><p>"Hey, I thought I was your best friend." Eddie erupted and made a face as if he was offended.</p><p>"Eddie, we both know who is the first and who is the second," Buck said and then stood close to him.</p><p>"I know, and I love you for it," he replied and kissed him on the cheek.</p><p>"Oh, you're so cute together." I reacted because I couldn't resist this sweetness. </p><p>Buck blushed with a shy smile and then cleared his throat. "Thank you, dear. Will you be okay with that?"</p><p>I frowned because I didn't understand this question. Why would that bother me? Why did he have to ask me that question? After all, we have no family connection or anything like that. I chose not to delve into it, and then I replied, "Of course, it's 2020. Love is love. We've made a lot of progress since then, haven't we?" Buck and Eddie's face softened, and I could see the tears in Buck's eyes.</p><p>"You're pretty mature for your age, and it's really cool, you know that?" Buck said in a gentle voice.</p><p>"I was told that a lot. Thank you for thinking it's cool. Sometimes I feel like no one else understands me." I confessed quietly.</p><p>Just as Buck was about to say something, Anita called us from the doorstep to let us all know the cake was ready. She went earlier to prepare the table. I sighed reluctantly because it means one thing, that the birthday is about to end and that the boys will return home. And it was evident to see it also on the faces of the three sons.</p><p>"Come on, let's go." I encouraged them to come after me.</p><p>Wait, where are my grandparents? Because I had so much fun in the company of the boys, I did not notice them at all. Apparently, they were waiting for us to come back inside. Apparently, they didn't feel comfortable near the boys.</p><p>As we all entered the house, I saw them gathering at the table, and over it lay the cake. As we got closer, the grandparents and Anita started singing "Happy Birthday" to me, and the boys joined them behind me.<br/>
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, dear Amanda." They all finished singing as they stood on either side of the table.</p><p>"Come on, make a wish," Christopher called, and I smiled at him.</p><p>I took a deep breath and looked around, and then I knew what I wanted to ask for, that I would not leave LA. And that the three boys will remain a big part of my life. I prayed about it deep in my heart, and then I blew up the candle. Everyone cheered around me and clapped. I noticed Buck and Eddie's teary eyes and their big smiles that widened across their faces. I wanted to ask them why they are crying, but then I assumed that maybe they are just overwhelmed and want to share my joy.</p><p>"It's time for the presents, Dad. I want to give her the present." Stated Chris enthusiastically. And I was embarrassed next to them.</p><p>"We would love to be the first, if we may?" Grandpa asked politely. And I could see Buck's tense face, but at last, he nodded a little. Grandpa rolled his eyes at Eddie to get an answer from him too, and the man nodded with a slightly stressed smile.</p><p>Then Grandpa turned around and bent down to pick up the box wrapped in pink paper with white flowers. The box looked really heavy because as soon as it was placed on the table, an echo was heard, and I felt the air dissipate beneath it. In my head, I had already imagined what it was. For as long as I can remember, they would always bring me big and expensive gifts for my birthdays: an enormous dollhouse, pony, large porcelain dolls. There was one time they arranged for me to have a private Taylor Swift show at my house. I tore the cover off quickly, without overthinking. It was ugly to me, and I didn't mind tearing it up the way it came out. Then I realized it was an Apples' MacBook. I felt my eyes soon protrude from their holes in astonishment.</p><p>"My God, thank you so much, Grandpa and Grandma." I gasped. "You didn't have to." I continued, and Grandpa patted me on the back.</p><p>"Nonsense, if we have a chance to spoil our favorite granddaughter, we'll take it in a big-time." He brushed with his finger on my nose, and it made me smile with a giggle.</p><p>I heard Chris clear his throat, so I glanced at him. "May I?" He asked, holding a small box wrapped in repeated prints of Superman's logo. He also had an envelope with a birthday card.</p><p>He gave it to me while saying, "it's to your collection."</p><p>"Thanks, I could've never guessed it's from you, Superman," I replied, and Chris grinned. Eddie and Buck joined him.</p><p>"Hey! Do not reveal my identity."</p><p>I giggled as I began to open the envelope and take out a card. On it was inscribed in his handwriting, "Happy Birthday Supergirl, XOXO Superman" I looked at Chris with raised brows.</p><p>"What, you're too cute and too cool to be a Wonderwoman." Chris defended himself.</p><p>"You're right. She can be melancholy sometimes, and it's not how I am." I answered proudly. Chris snorted with a laugh. "Come on, open it." He hurried me impatiently as if he was waiting to see my reaction.</p><p>This time I gently removed the cover, peeling off exactly where the stickers were. Then I carefully pulled out the lid of the box. I was amazed to see that he was talking in the figurine of fairy. She was lying on a large mushroom and her dress was red, the only color that was missing for my collection.</p><p>I started collecting sculptures of fairy tale figures since I was 5. My mother once took me on a trip to Spain, and one day we were in Barcelona. There was a stall full of statues and small figurines. The saleswoman told me that the first figurine I would take would indicate something in my character. And when I chose her mouth dressed in an orange dress, she told me, "one day, you will be something special."</p><p>I slowly and carefully took the figurine out of the box and looked at it closely. The fairy looked stunning in her beauty, and I couldn't stop looking at her and admiring her.</p><p>"Thank you so much, Chris, it's perfect." I thanked him with a big smile on my face. It also made me think of my friends I left behind. They would also know how to give me special gifts with extraordinary meaning. It made them miss them even more.</p><p>"Actually, I brought you something too," Buck said shyly, and I blinked. I was surprised he bought me something for my birthday. "Bucky, you didn't have to, really. It's enough that you're celebrating with me here." I said quietly.</p><p>"You probably don't know him well enough. This guy has the biggest and purest heart you will ever know." Eddie declared behind him.</p><p>Buck approached me and got down on his knees to be at the same height as my eyes. Then he gave his gift to me. This time the gift itself was not in a box, so I could feel it was a book by its shape and weight. It was wrapped in dusty pink paper, my favorite color, if I had to admit. I removed the cover and felt my heart pounding with excitement. Then I held the book that read "Journey in Words, a Personal Diary for 365 Days." I turned a questioning look with pursed eyebrows back to Buck. And he gave me a big smile that revealed his white teeth.</p><p>"Chris told me you love to write and that sometimes you have a writing block. So this book helps you develop your writing. Each day of the year, you have a task to write about. Your main goal here is to just let your words flow without thinking. Just give your hand and your heart lead the way. " Buck explained.</p><p>I looked him in the eyes, and my breath caught. He saw me. He saw through me. He knew me better in the little time we had. Could it be that we are really related to each other? Is Buck someone I didn't know about before? Is he my father?</p><p>All my life, I have wondered to myself where my father was and who he was. I asked my mom from time to time about him, and she always replied that he did not matter, that he didn't know about me and that he had never been and will never be part of the family. And since then, I have not dared to raise this matter again.</p><p>But somehow, deep in my heart, I knew there must be a reason for his disappearance from my father.</p><p>I've always believed that the present is the right time to fix problems. I've always believed in giving someone a second chance, not what it used to be.</p><p>Without any hesitation, I pounced on Buck and hugged him with my arms on his shoulders. I put my head on his neck and said to him, "Thank you so much, I love it so much,"</p><p>I felt his arms hugging me tightly as if he didn't want to release me. Just like I always dreamed my dad would hug me like that. I felt Buck tremble and heard him whisper to me quietly.</p><p>"I'm happy, my Amelia. I love you so much, and I'm so proud of you for how you've been so far."</p><p>Amelia again. Who is she?</p><p>Is it weird that I want to be that Amelia?</p><p>Just to have Daddy's hug.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>you're more than welcome to come to inbox in tumblr. it's the same name as well</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Anita</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>OMFG I had so much fun writing this chapter. this time there is only angsy and I think you'll be very angry and I'm sorry in advance. ENJOY EVERYONE XOXO<br/>TW- mention of rape.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Anita</p><p>"Good night and sweet dreams, my beautiful girl," Anita whispered and kissed Amanda's forehead.</p><p>"Today was the best day I have ever had." Said the girl in a tired but excited voice and yawned at her loudly, and her eyes closed slowly.</p><p>The nanny smiled to herself and left the room. She took one last look at Amanda before turning off the light and closed the door almost to the end.</p><p>She didn't think that today was the day when everything would change. She had hoped throughout the years she had cared for Amanda that one day, she would tell her who she really was and who her real family was. She planned to do this at least when the girl was 18. But sometimes fate has other plans, and sometimes it forces you to make difficult decisions and even confront the fact that maybe it's the time and there is really no need to pull it off anymore. This will cause unnecessary pain to both sides.</p><p>Anita always felt sorry for the girl precisely because she should not be here. Rebecca is not good enough and caring enough to be her mother. She was constantly busy with herself and her career. And if she was already with her adopted daughter, she would try to get her interested in things like wealth and high status. She's just a special little girl, that's what Anita would tell herself every time she saw the dynamic between Amanda and Rebecca.</p><p>She already knew Amanda's background, who her mother was, and what her father was. She also knew about the change Evelyn had made and the cover story that Richard had planned. The girl is so young in age and has already gone through a lot in her short life.</p><p>There were times when Anita tried to look for a detour to reach Amanda's biological mother and bring them together, but her hands were tied as soon as her grandfather, Richard, threatened to incriminate her in Amanda's abduction. Since then, she has been praying to God that somehow a miracle will be done that Amanda will indeed receive the happiness she deserves.</p><p>To Amanda's credit, this girl managed to amaze the nanny with her outer and inner beauty. What a pure heart she has and what an occupying personality she has. You could definitely see she was not like the others. She has manners, and she also has small rebellions, as if she is trying to stretch the boundaries of the people around her, especially Anita's. She was mesmerized by the girl's determination for independence and desire to help others and make them happy. Amanda has more life experience and a fascinating way of looking at life itself, and Anita has learned that from deep and long conversations of both of them.</p><p>Amanda is exceptional. Getting to know her was like winning the lottery, and the chances of her staying a part of the life of someone who got to know her are one in a million. Amanda is not one to easily trust the people she would meet. But with the three boys emerging into her life in a short time and lightly, she probably had no doubt about it.</p><p>The nanny came to this conclusion when she looked into Buck's eyes.</p><p>When Anita came to the kitchen, she noticed Rebecca sitting at the dining table. She would look busy inside her phone. In front of her lay a plate with a piece of birthday cake and a cup of tea. Rebecca took a small bite of the cake with the fork automatically, not taking her eyes off the screen. Anita sighed to herself and went to the fridge to get some milk.</p><p>"You missed all the fun that happened here this afternoon." She said coolly with her back to her as if she was trying to imply something to her, and she wasn't sure what exactly. Was it about Amanda's birthday in general or the argument between Richard and Buck that she eavesdropped on?</p><p>"Everything will be fine, do not worry," Rebecca answered with complete determination. "Amanda is my daughter, and that's it."</p><p>"So I guess Richard has already told you ..." Anita said after hearing her boss' statement.</p><p>"Yeah, between you and me, I would not worry so much. And even if it comes to court, I'm sure the judge will rule in my favor and not in favor of this freak. Richard will help me, I'm sure." Rebecca stated.</p><p>Anita, who had always tried not to express her opinion, could no longer bear the silence. She slammed the refrigerator shut, turned to her, and got close to the table.</p><p>"You know what, if there is even the slightest chance that the judge will bring Amanda back to Buck, I will pray hard with everything I have. She doesn't deserve you. She never belonged to you." Tears began to appear in Anita's eyes. Rebecca got up from her seat and stood close to her, and there was an expression of seriousness on her face, but her lips curled into a half-smile as if she was invincible.</p><p>"Do you want to destroy her innocence? Do you want to tell her who her real parents are? Buck is her technical father, but he is also her mother. Do you want to tell Amanda that he is the one who gave her birth before he became a man? Do you want her to know that her biological father is a rapist? that she is the outcome of Buck's trauma? Do you want to explain to her that Grandpa took her from Buck and brought her to me because she has a disability, and he was so ashamed that he had to kidnap her from Buck just because of his and his family's reputation? And I did everything I could to make her have a good life. I have no problem presenting it that way at trial. we'll see who really wins. " Rebecca finished.</p><p>Anita swallowed the heavy lump that was stuck in her throat. Her body remained paralyzed, and her heart was pounding fast as if she were running a marathon. She felt like she was about to faint because her head was starting to spin.</p><p>Somehow her boss's speech didn't deter her as much as she thought. All she thought at that moment was, in the moment of truth, she would be there, for Amanda. She now understood that she had to choose a side in this struggle. She didn't have to think twice, and as she was about to answer Rebecca back, a familiar voice was heard behind them.</p><p>"I'm Buck's daughter ?!"</p><p>Oh, Amanda.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>please don't hate me.</p><p>as always kudos and comments are more than welcome. and you can also yell at me in my inbox on <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/yelenabelous">tumblr</a><br/>I'll be waiting for you!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Ams'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey lovelies, long time no see.  Things have rough for me lately and I'm really sorry for disappearing again. I'm really appreciate you for sticking with me along the way. I'm definitely not taking your support for granted.<br/>I really hope you'll enjoy reading this chapter.</p><p>I'd like to thank to<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenantforces/pseuds/revenantforces">@revenantforces</a> for beta reading this chapter! And for <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyanJames/works">@RyanJames</a>   for being my editor!!</p><p>TW: mention of the word "rapist"</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>So I guess I should've been careful with my wishes. I shifted my gaze from Anita to my mom, back and forth. I was not sure if I wanted to be answered or silenced. My eyes started to burn from the effort not to burst into tears, and my breathing became heavier and heavier as I tried to take a deep breath. I couldn't move or run back to my room. What I heard was so loud that my body forced me to stay put. I felt nauseous in my stomach, as if I couldn’t keep down what I’d eaten.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I'm Buck’s daughter ... Buck is the one who gave birth to me .. Wait, rapist, it means that ... God, so that means I was not supposed to exi- ..</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anita used to tell me that knowledge is power, but sometimes you have to choose if you really want to know something because once you know something, you have no way back. She always flattered me, saying that I am quite intelligent and quite curious. She warned that while the combination between them can be very harmonious, it can also be very chaotic. Maybe she knew about him then and tried to hide it from me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mom got up from her chair and moved in my direction. Nausea in my stomach intensified even more in light of the thought of the word mother. Now I understand why I felt different from her, why the connection between us was strange and forced and why she moved away from me and was busy with herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Amanda, you look tired; go back to sleep ..." Mom commanded me in a determined voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No!" I raised my voice angrily, and my body reacted the same way. I held the crutches tightly to maintain stability. "Not if you tell me everything I heard was true." I continued in a strangled voice, and my eyes began to water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So what if it's true. You're my daughter, and it's going to stay that way forever. You can hate me and get mad at me as much as you want, but you're smart, and you know very well that I'm the best chance you'll have." She said indifferently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's enough, Rebecca!" Cried Anita from behind her. She overtook Mama and stood by my side. "Come on, I'm going to tell you everything. No secrets. Even if it's something hard that a girl is not supposed to know at your age, you still deserve to know the whole truth. I'm really sorry I've been hiding from you all these years." She said in a whisper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> I looked into Anita's eyes and saw the remorse and worry spread all over her face. My breaths became short and heavy, and I hugged her. I had no choice but to just trust her a little more and give her a chance to explain everything to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I saw Mom sigh and go to her, probably to her studio. A question arises in my head that I had to ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you even love me at all?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned to me and smiled a smile but with empty eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course I love you; I take care of everything you need."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And I understood the honest answer between her words. Anita took me even closer to her, and we both walked towards my room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I did not know what I was supposed to feel now. I really want to go to Buck, but I'm mad at him and do not want to get close to him at all. However, I believe there is a reason behind this, and I am almost certain that the reason is me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It seems that Anita knew what I was thinking because she placed her thumb under my chin to draw my attention to her. We went into my room and sat down on my bed. I glanced at the book I got from Buck and I started crying. Anita approached me and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. I kept crying into her chest and felt her place a kiss on my head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You must understand that you are not to blame for what happened to you. It was all them." She said, starting in a whisper that built into mild anger, as if she did not want to worry me any further. I moved away from her a little to look into her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Who's them?" I asked, noticing the hesitation that was on Anita's face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Your grandparents ..." she replied cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I frowned, not understanding how they related to it all. My heart beat hard at the very thought that in fact my whole life is one big lie. Who am I anyway? what am I? Who do I belong to? Why am I here? Who really loves me? What am I doing here? What should I do from now on? My head filled with all these thoughts until I felt dizzy, and nausea in my stomach intensified even more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite all this, I was determined to finally learn everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Tell me everything from the beginning, please ..." I almost begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few minutes, we both looked at each other; Anita sighed almost reluctantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay. I know you're smart and sensitive, and I honestly believe you'll be fine in the end, even if it does not look like it right now. I’ll tell you everything on one condition."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somehow I knew what she was going to ask for, but I still wanted to hear her say it aloud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"what?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Meet with a professional because what I'm going to tell you is going to be a lot to digest for a girl your age. Even if you're mature, even if you understand many things in life in the simplest way of all grown-ups in the world. And I need you to understand that there's no turning back from now on, and I don't want you to fall down. Please promise me you'll be open to the option of talking to a psychologist." Anita finished, and I could see tears streaming down her cheeks for a second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I blinked as more tears flowed down my cheeks. My heart tightened, and my breaths became shorter, more rhythmic. I looked deep into Anita's eyes and noticed her concern. She was worried about me and about how I will react once I hear the whole story. This worry made me realize that all she had done so far was protect me and love me unconditionally. Even if she hid the secret from me, I would still have to trust her to be honest with me and help me choose the right path for me. I'm in a storm of emotions right now, and I need someone who knows me well and who listens to me, and Anita is that person.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a book Buck had given me as a gift, and I remembered the moment we both hugged. I closed my eyes and imagined Buck giving me a strong hug. I imagined myself in his arms, feeling loved and safe. I wanted to hold on to that feeling because that's exactly what I needed. That's exactly what I've been missing all my life. Logic and anger try to take over, but I could not ignore what I really want.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I'm angry at Buck, and I'm angry at the whole world, but I want him to be with me, to be my dad. It seems that I'm already halfway there, and I realize I can't do it on my own. I decided that if I talked to someone about this and they could find the right solution that I would be ready to take it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay, but what about ..." I stopped before I was about to say <em>"Mom"</em> and a wave of rage rose inside me and I gritted my teeth. Anita probably picked up on my worry. I assumed so by her little smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do not worry, sweetie, she will know nothing of it. I know someone personally. His name is Frank and let's just say he owes me a favor." She finished with a sad voice interspersed with hope.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I breathed a sigh of relief and then took a heavy breath to prepare myself for what was going to happen. Somehow no matter how much I try to ignore the feeling, it keeps popping up behind all the anger and confusion. I still have a belief that everything will be fine and that I will find my place in this world, and Buck is a part of it. Because I'm one who believes in fate. And if my destiny exists in spite of everything, then so be it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So go ahead, start from the beginning .."</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>come and scream at me in <a href="https://yelenabelous.tumblr.com/ask">my inbox</a>.<br/>kudos and comments are always welcome !!<br/>see you in the next one, hopefully, sooner than ever</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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